Monday, August 16, 2010

Mourn with those that mourn..

2 years ago this month I got a couple of phone calls. One from a dear friend that lives up north and one from my neighbor. They both called me because they had just heard about a little boy Gavin that had suddenly passed away. My heart ached as I heard of this tragic news. I had never met this family but I ached for what they would have to go through. My heart especially broke for Michelle the mom. There is an instant compassion that I feel for these moms when I hear about another angel instant connection.

Michelle posted something on her blog last week and with her permission I'm going to share what she wrote. I sometimes feel such a need to educate those that don't understand about grief. I often get questions asked about what to do for someone that is going through grief. I read her post and it described so well how to treat someone that is grieving that I just felt the need to share so maybe it might help someone else out there in the mists of grief. These are the words of Michelle...sweet Gavin's mom.

"I don't mean this post to offend, but to help others understand. Grief is hard. It hurts mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. There are not many things that can be said to a person whose heart literally feels like it is breaking. Mostly, it's a listening ear. A non-judgmental ear. No words,no testimonies, just listening. The story of Lazarus has become one of my favorites, because Christ sets such an example of mourning with those that mourn. Word comes to Christ that his friend is sick. He waits two days before he goes to his friend. This miracle was to be one that would glorify God. It was intentional. He was doing it for his disciples that they could SEE his power over death, and yet they did not quite get it. Martha comes out to greet Jesus, while Mary remains behind in the house, sitting. Martha comes to Christ and testifies to him of his glory. And he tells Martha "Thy Brother shall rise again". He gives comfort to one ready to hear, with his words, his promise of Life. Martha goes to Mary and tells her the Master calleth thee. Mary quickly came unto him. When Mary saw the Master she falls down at his feet and cries "Lord, if thou had been here my brother would not have died". I feel the hurt in her voice. The wishing that things had been different. What does Christ do in response? HE WEEPS. The Lord of all Creations, the Savior of the World, the Redeemer, the MASTER...weeps. Christ knew what he was going to do. He knew that in mere moments...not hours...not days...not a lifetime...moments, just moments, he would bring Lazarus back from the dead. He would reunite brother and sisters again. He would give joy to these women who missed their brother so dearly. He knew all of this and yet he weeps along side of Mary and Martha. To one sister he speaks of comfort, of resurrection. To the other sister, he says no words. None. No comfort to give to a woman who is lost in her suffering. The best and only thing to be done was to weep along side her. Christ knew how to succor both of these women.

Sometimes I am Martha, ready to hear words of comfort, a different picture seen by an outsider. Ready to have a heart touched by a sweet testimony of our Savior. Other times, I am Mary. My heart to broken, that earthly words can not take away my sorrow. And in those moments the best thing for my shattered heart is just validation. "I am so sorry that your heart breaks. It is understandable" "You have every right to miss your son". No testimonies, scriptures, or words of comfort. Just listening. Just hearing the hurt that pours from my heart when the way is dark with shadows and terrible memories. Weeping with those that weep. Mourning with those that Mourn. Not using words. Just as Christ comforts Mary, not with words, but tears. Tears of validation. He does not defend his position to Mary. Why he's done what he did. She'll see for herself. But she is not ready for words at that very moment.

Just because my way is dark right now, is no indication of where my testimony is. I am hurting. And that's okay. Weeping over the loss of my son, feeling the excruciating ache in my heart. It means I loved him deeply. These ugly feelings are a testimony of the LOVE that I have for my son. My little boy. A love that I would never trade, even if it means wandering in the darkness of grief for a time. The sun will shine again in my life. It's just not shining right now. And there are no words that will change that right now. Just hear my hurt. "
Thank you Michelle for describing grief and how to mourn with those that mourn so perfectly. Jesus showed us the way in everything...even grief. I too have been having some more intense moments the past few weeks where grief has hit. I just miss him too much for it to not hurt. He would be turning 3 years old in a month. 3 year olds are one of my favorite ages and I just feel so cheated because I'm missing out on so, so much. The ache is always there but some days that ache is so intense. I love what Michelle said even though I'm wandering in the darkness of grief for a time the sun will shine again in my life. So true! I would give anything to be able to hold him again's so hard to be patient. Oh, so hard! Miss you and love you Wyatt!


Eileen said...

Thanks for sharing such tender words. I'll admit, it can be scary, when you want to comfort and console someone. It's hard to know what to say. That helps. A lot.

Two sweet women, that KNOW first-hand, what to say, and what not to say. I'm so sorry that you KNOW.

Alison said...

I found that grieving mothers are each other's voices and when one of us speak, her words say what we all feel, something I am deeply thankful for.