Monday, May 31, 2010

Memorial day..remember

This is the first year we have been home for memorial day since Wyatt died. It's been nice to be able to be here and frequent his grave. The cemetery is so beautiful right now with all the new flowers placed on loved ones graves. It's such a peaceful place. It's also nice to see others there. Most often than not we are the only ones there. It's nice to know we are not the only ones remembering a loved one.

My sweet brother was down for the weekend and went to Wyatt's grave and put some flowers and a note on it. So very thoughtful of him. Can't even express how much that meant. So grateful for all the love and support we receive from friends and family.

Wyatt's grave is VERY decorated. So grateful for the things people have put on it. Today we think of Wyatt but that is nothing new. Every single day he is thought of and missed but today we also remember all those great amazing family members that have graduated and are on the other side. I'm so grateful for the influence each of them have had in my life. Some I haven't even meet but feel their strength and spirit. Remember is such an important word and today I remember those that are so dear to my heart and the amazing life's they lived. I also remember and express deep gratitude to all those that have served this amazing country and have given their lives so we can have the freedoms we enjoy. And as always I remember my sweet little boy that my heart and arms aches for.

I was looking through some of his pictures and found this may be my new favorite. I love his expression on his face and his hand almost in his pocket. Oh, how we miss this little guy!
Sleeping on his dad's lap. One of his favorite places to be.
The flowers my brother put on Wyatt's grave...oh, so sweet and beautiful!

His grave so decorated.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Talk by Jeffrey R. Holland

I love this talk and have read it over and over again. There is so much great advice and comfort pouring out of it. Here is just a little portion of it. I have felt such comfort and strength from reading it.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland:

"Everyone, including (and perhaps especially) the righteous, will be called upon to face trying times. When that happens we can sometimes fear God has abandoned us, and we might be left, at least for a time, to wonder when our troubles will ever end. As individuals, as families, as communities, and as nations, probably everyone has had or will have an occasion to feel as Joseph Smith felt when he asked why such sorrow had to come and how long its darkness and damage would remain. We identify with him when he cries from the depth and discouragement of his confinement: “O God, where art thou? . . . How long shall thy hand be stayed . . . ? Yea, O Lord, how long shall [thy people] suffer . . . before . . . thy bowels be moved with compassion toward them?” (D&C 121:1–3).

That is a painful, personal cry—a cry from the heart, a spiritual loneliness we may all have occasion to feel at some time in our lives.

Perhaps you have had such moments already in your young lives. If so, I hope you have not had too many. But whenever these moments of our extremity come, we must not succumb to the fear that God has abandoned us or that He does not hear our prayers. He does hear us. He does see us. He does love us. When we are in dire circumstances and want to cry “Where art Thou?” it is imperative that we remember He is right there with us—where He has always been! We must continue to believe, continue to have faith, continue to pray and plead with heaven, even if we feel for a time our prayers are not heard and that God has somehow gone away. He is there. Our prayers are heard. And when we weep He and the angels of heaven weep with us.

When lonely, cold, hard times come, we have to endure, we have to continue, we have to persist. That was the Savior’s message in the parable of the importuning widow (see Luke 18:1–8; see also Luke 11:5–10). Keep knocking on that door. Keep pleading. In the meantime, know that God hears your cries and knows your distress. He is your Father, and you are His child.

When what has to be has been and when what lessons to be learned have been learned, it will be for us as it was for the Prophet Joseph. Just at the time he felt most alone and distant from heaven’s ear was the very time he received the wonderful ministration of the Spirit and wonderful, glorious answers that came from his Father in Heaven. Into this dismal dungeon and this depressing time, the voice of God came, saying:

“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

“And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes” (D&C 121:7–8).

Even though seemingly unjust circumstances may be heaped upon us and even though unkind and unmerited things may be done to us—perhaps by those we consider enemies but also, in some cases, by those whom we thought were friends—nevertheless, through it all, God is with us.

We are not alone in our little prisons here. When suffering, we may in fact be nearer to God than we’ve ever been in our entire lives. That knowledge can turn every such situation into a would-be temple.

Regarding our earthly journey, the Lord has promised: “I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up” (D&C 84:88). That is an everlasting declaration of God’s love and care for us, including—and perhaps especially—in times of trouble.

...every experience can become a redemptive experience if we remain bonded to our Father in Heaven through that difficulty. These difficult lessons teach us that man’s extremity is God’s opportunity, and if we will be humble and faithful, if we will be believing and not curse God for our problems, He can turn the unfair and inhumane and debilitating prisons of our lives into temples—or at least into a circumstance that can bring comfort and revelation, divine companionship and peace.

I testify that the Father and the Son do live. And I testify that They are close, perhaps even closest via the Holy Spirit, when we are experiencing difficult times. I testify that heaven’s kindness will never depart from you, regardless of what happens. I testify that bad days come to an end, that faith always triumphs, and that heavenly promises are always kept.

I have read and re-read this talk. It has comforted me and brought me understanding on so many occasions. It truly has been such a help for me the past year. I believe and have felt the Holy Ghost testify to me that everything he says in this talk is TRUE. I believe it. Though I will never be grateful Wyatt died I can say I have learned things I couldn't have learned any other way. I have come to know my Savior Jesus Christ in a way I couldn't have known him before. And I am grateful for that. If you haven't read this entire talk I would highly recommend it. There is great knowledge, understanding and comfort in it. So grateful to have living prophets and apostles that teach us and bring comforting words into our lives.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

A few days before her death Emma Smith had a dream in which Joseph took her into a beautiful mansion. In one of the rooms she saw a babe in a cradle. She immediately recognized it as one of the children she had lost in infancy and snatched him to her bosom.

I found comfort in hearing this. The image in my mind of maybe having a mansion someday and in that mansion there being a nursery with my Wyatt in it gives me hope. I can't even express how much I miss having Wyatt's room like the picture above. I dream of the crib, changing table and cradle and feel such a loss in not having those things in my life anymore. I hope that Emma's dream is in fact reality and that someday I will have my own mansion and in it will be a nursery. And in that nursery I will get to raise Wyatt and watch as he sleeps at night in his crib. Oh how I miss that!!! I do dream and I hope of such a day.

Miss him...

Friday, May 7, 2010

Target was clearing out their school uniforms online so we took advatage of the deals and got a few clothes for Hayley for next year. She was soooo excited to have some Vista clothes like Emily's. She has been begging to wear them to preschool so I let her wear them this week. Before leaving for preschool she was out riding her scooter so I decided to take a few pictures. She is our sunshine and truly knows how to enjoy each and every minute. We don't know what we would do without our Hay bug.

She got to bring the snack for preschool and was so excited that I let her pick it out.

Posing with her scooter.

She loves life!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Going blue...part 2


Goodbye yellow...hello blue.

I love the new paint color and how it has totally changed the feel of the room. Though I love the yellow before I'm loving the blue even more. It's such a calming color that at times when the light is just right it will look blue, then sea foam green, to grey and then back to blue. It's been wild to see the different colors come out at different times of the day. I'm so grateful for my sweet husband and for all the work that was put into changing our walls. What a great birthday present. Though these things are truly not important and a couple of years ago I had no interest in any of this I do enjoy change like this and for me it's shown me that I can enjoy life again. Now I get to find or repurpose somethings to decorate above the cabinets and up on my big nook. Right now though I kind of like not having anything. I'm enjoying the simplicity of it all...less is sometimes more.

I put new fabric on my Grandma's chair along with some of the chairs around our kitchen table.

I need to get a curtain for the window. Most everything else though goes with the new paint color.

*** I've had a few people wanting to know the color of the paint. Here is the explanation on that:

I'm pretty sure the paint color is "Gentle Tide" by Glidden or "Reflecting Pool " CIL Glidden. I got the paint suggestions off of the blog "Just beachy" on my side bar.

We got a sample of both colors and took them home and put them on the bar. I'm pretty sure it was Gentle Tide by Glidden that we ended up using. Home Depot caries Glidden paint but at our store both paints were not availiable. They did have the "recipe" to mix them so that is what we did. We got a sample of each color and took them home and painted them on the bar. Once we decided on the color we took it to Kwall Howell and they matched the color.


Besides painting for my birthday we got to enjoy this yummy mint chocolate cake my cousin made for me. It was so fun to have a birthday cake. I can't remember the last time I had one. It was delish!

Besides birthday cake and painting the Ironman came to town and we were fortunate enough to have the biking portion right out our back door. So, Hayley spent time jumping on the tramp and cheering the participates on. Quite the amazing thing to watch. I can't imagine doing anything like that. It was really fun to watch them and cheer them on. I especially enjoyed hearing their comments as they saw the beautiful red rocks. Those that took the time to look up were astonished by the beauty that was in front of them. We feel so blessed to get to enjoy it each and every day.

Hayley saying "Good job."


We have been going hiking as much as we can the past few weeks. We are blessed to have some really neat hikes just 5-10 minutes from our home. It's the perfect time of year here for hiking so, we have been taking advantage as much as we can. I keep forgetting to take a camera on our hikes so last night I finally remembered. I only took our point and shoot camera and later regretted that decision. The desert is in bloom and there were some really beautiful flowers I would have loved to take some close ups of.

This hike is a fun hike because there are some Indian Petroglyph's that you get to see. They are pretty cool. Tyler was at Young Men's so that is why he isn't in any of the pictures. Emily brought a friend with us.

On the way back the girls took the main trail while Derek and I went a different way. Well, while the girls were on the trail they came upon a rattle snake. Needless to say there was a lot of screaming and running and some crying. It scared them pretty good. I don't think they will be going by themselves anymore. Luckily they were just fine and now they have a story to tell. Here are a few pictures we took.
Cacti in bloom



Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Going blue...part 1



I've always enjoyed decorating. I've wanted to change my house with blue paint for a long time. Actually, before Wyatt was even born I dreamed of doing this but didn't have the time. And then grief hit and stuff like this seemed so trivial. I truly wondered if there would ever come a day that I would enjoy doing these kinds of things again. Well, I can say that I do enjoy them again.

In January I decided to change things up. We started first by painted the bar blue. We loved it so much we decided to paint the hallway as well. It use to be red. Then we painted the kitchen a brown color. I have loved it. I have to admit I loved the yellow and red before and have no regrets but I do really enjoy how the light blue and white look. It reminds me of the beach which is one of my most favorite places in the world to be. When I painted the chair I posted early in the month I also painted our bar stools white. I love how they turned out.

For my birthday on Saturday Derek's present to me was painting the rest of the room. I had decided that the yellow and blue just didn't go well together and since our kitchen and family room are all hooked together, I decided it needed to be painted too. That is where part 2 will come into play. Once I get around to taking some pictures of how it turned out I will post them. Let just say I LOVE it. I love paint and how it can totally change a room and it doesn't cost too much money just some time. I'm soooo very blessed to have an amazing husband that will help me. I love color...especially color next to white. I will post part 2 soon but here is a glimpse of what we did in January. It's been a fun change. The kind of change I like.

Bar stools that use to be oak color. I love the new white. And the bar that is blue now instead of red.

Hallway before....

Took this quick shot from my kitchen window of Wyatt's garden. I feel so blessed to live in such a beautiful place and love what I get to look at each day as I do the dishes.