Thursday, April 22, 2010

Wyatt moment

Do I continue to tell about some of my Wyatt moments or not? I'm not sure the answer on that but since I'm going to make a book each year I want some of these moments in it. I haven't even come close to telling all the experiences I have had with butterflies on this blog. Some moments more profound than others. So, I will continue to share a few of them as they come. The reason being I want my kids if they read this someday to know that there IS a loving Heavenly Father that does watch out for us and gives us tender mercies if we watch and pray for them. So, because of that I'm going to share this Wyatt moment I had on Sunday.

Our weather this spring has been CRAZY. I've only seen a couple of butterflies and lately haven't seen any for weeks. I figured they had not made it through some of the cold weather we have had. I was telling Derek that Saturday night and he agreed that the weather was probably the reason for the lack of butterflies.

On Sunday I had to teach in young women's(12-13 year old girls) on the blessings of the temple. I had been worried all week about this lesson. How could I possibly make it through this lesson without totally bawling? The temple means soooo much to me. It has been one of the greatest blessings for me since Wyatt's death. The comfort and peace I've received there has been beyond helpful. But one of the main reasons I love the temple so much is because I have the assurance that Wyatt will be ours forever. That when Derek and I got married it was not just for time but for eternity and with that our children would be sealed to us forever. It gives me great hope. So, needless to say I was worried and nervous for this lesson because it is such a sensitive subject and so dear to my heart. I hate crying in front of these girls and I was worried that I might not make it through the lesson at all.

Well, I had made some chocolate covered strawberries for a handout to give the girls at the end of the lesson. So, I left church early to go home and get them out of the fridge. As I was walking to my car a big yellow butterfly turned the corner of the church and almost ran into me. I literally had to move so it didn't hit was my Wyatt moment. I was not expecting this at all since it's been weeks since I had seen a butterfly. I knew at that moment that he was aware of me and the lesson that I was about to teach. I also felt like it was a gift from Heavenly Father as well. That he also is aware of me and what I'm going through. After seeing the butterfly the tears began to flow. I tried to hold them back but wasn't very successful. As I drove home another butterfly or the same butterfly flew along side and in front of my car. By then I was hoping the mascara was not running down my face.

Well, it ended up being a difficult lesson for me to teach and I choked up many times. At the end I couldn't hold back the tears any longer...just too sensitive of a subject. So, these poor girls got to see me loose it. With this knowledge comes the tears and there isn't much I can do about that. Many of these girls had held Wyatt and had enjoyed him. Needless to say I wasn't the only one crying. I hope that they felt something that day. If anything I hope they know the significance of the temple and what it means.

I truly feel one of the greatest blessings I have been given is to have a temple so close to me. I'm so grateful for that. When Wyatt died I knew I needed to spend as much time at the temple as I could. That the temple would help me feel the peace and comfort I needed to make it through the grief. I'm so grateful for that and how it has truly helped me the past 2 years.

I'm grateful for this Wyatt moment as well and how it came at a time I needed it most. I'm not sure why I continue to have these moments. I don't know the answer to that but I do know I try to be as aware of them as much as I possibly can be. I also pray for these tender mercies and hope that I will continue to have them the rest of my life. To know that Wyatt is aware of me and what I'm doing is priceless. Is there life after this one? Most definitely YES. I truly believe and will be shocked if this is not the case, that those we love that have passed to the other side are with us more than we can imagine. They are cheering us on and helping us as much as they can. For me, seeing that butterfly helped me know that, that was true. He along with Heavenly Father was aware of me at that very moment. I needed some love from my little boy. It was because of him that this lesson was such a tender one for me to teach and I think he was aware of that fact. So, somehow he brought a butterfly to me.

"I LOVE to see the temple."

On a side note: I knew as soon as I posted the "Healing" post that grief would hit me. Whenever I acknowledge the fact that I'm doing better grief usually lets me know that it's still there. It's not a shocker to me. So the past few days I've had more moments than usual of missing my little boy...not that I don't miss him everyday but some days it's more profound than others. I'm ok with that. I know I will make it through these moments because I've made it through so many before. So, with that said I need to post a few favorite pictures of my little guy. And add the words from a song by Hilary Weeks. If I could hold Wyatt at this moment in my arms and look into his big blue eyes this is one of the messages I would relay to him.... "I would remind you of FOREVER and how our love will NEVER change." And I think he would relay that same message back to me.

Love you Wyatt!!

He LOVED chewing on his thumb.


Colleen said...

Beautiful post and thank you for sharing. I am so glad that you were able to have that "Wyatt moment" just before giving your lesson. Both Heavenly Father and Wyatt are aware of you and the girls you teach. I am sure you were inspired and the girls were spiritually fed.

I know our good & bad days comes in waves. Let them come and appreciate both. That good 'ole opposition.

You are awesome!

D-9 said...

That was beautiful Andrea, so glad you still are having these. I love your photos, my kids loved that temple. Wish I was closer. Have a wonderful day.

Marc and Megan said...

Oh, Andrea, I am sure that your lesson on Sunday was a very powerful testimony builder for those young women. I actually taught the same lesson on Sunday and had my own little moments when I lost it. How can you not with such a tender topic that means more than anything in the world? The blessings of the temple have made all the difference in coping and healing. I don't know how I would have survived otherwise.

Anyway, I just want you to know how much I love reading your experiences... both about remembering Wyatt and about finding joy in living again. You are a true inspiration and I'm so grateful to know you!

Lisa said...

I hate crying in front of these girls, too--but you gave such a wonderful lesson, and it really touched me, as well as the girls. I meant what I said about how you are teaching them about the temple in a way that most of us cannot. I am willing to bet that each of those girls will remember your lesson for a very long time. I'm glad you got your Wyatt moment, too!