Sunday, March 14, 2010

Wyatt's angel day

This is one of my new favorite the butterfly and I love my dad's hand.

Wyatt's angel day turned out to be a nice and peaceful day. Derek and I started out by going to the temple and feeling the peace and comfort we are so blessed to feel there. It was nice.

We then drove to the store where we always get our balloons blown up to release at Wyatt's grave. I held back the tears until we got to the car. The memory of 3 years ago when we filled up our first blue balloon came over me. We had told the kids on the day we found out if we were having a boy or a girl that we would bring a balloon for each of them at school either a pink or blue balloon. As soon as they would see it they would know if they were having a little brother or sister. I remember going to this store to blow up a blue balloons and the excitement we felt knowing we would be having another little boy. I was especially excited for Tyler because he wanted a little brother sooooo badly. I will never forget the smile on Tyler's face as he turned the corner to the school and saw the blue balloon. His prayers had been answered and he was going to have a little brother. It hit me yesterday as we were blowing up our Wyatt balloons how life can change so quickly. My heart ached for Tyler, Emily and Hayley...for all that they miss out on not having Wyatt in their lives. I had to wonder how many more years we will blow up blue balloons to remember our sweet little boy. That on that day 3 years ago I had no idea that we would be blowing up balloons in memory of the baby that was in my tummy. Oh it can be so unreal at times.

We went home and got the kids and went to Wyatt's grave with my parents. We did our balloon release which for the first time the wind wasn't completely blowing things everywhere. It was peaceful and fun to watch them go up in the air all together.

After we released the balloons we released the butterflies. This year since it wasn't windy they stayed around for a long time. The girls got to hold them and play with them. One stayed on my dad's hand forever and I was able to take tons of pictures. I marvel at how beautiful and neat these creatures are. It along with so many other things reminds me that Heavenly Father loves us and given us such beautiful things to enjoy if we will take the time to do it. It was really special. Since they didn't fly away and stayed to play we ended up keeping one that we will release in a couple of weeks if we can keep it alive. I'm so grateful for this little tradition we have started. So grateful to have "Wyatt moments" again.

We then went home and the weather turned really bad...I was so glad we did the releases early that day because it got so windy, cold and hailed that afternoon. It reminded me a lot of the day Wyatt died. It rained most of that day 2 years ago but when Derek and I left the hospital that evening the sun came out. It did the same thing yesterday. I'm not sure if that was a good thing or sure brought back some memories both good and bad.

My sweet friend invited Emily and I over for a fun little luncheon. This friend has been so good to me and has helped me in so many ways. She understands grief and has been there for me when I've needed it. I will be forever grateful to her for all she has done for me and for my family. Emily and I had a wonderful time with our sweet friends.

When we got home we went ice skating. I wanted to do something fun to celebrate Wyatt's life. I did not want it to be a total sad day. We have had too many of those kinds of days so I tried really hard to make it one of happiness and laughter. I asked my kids what they would want to do out of anything for spring break. They all said ice skating, especially Tyler. That is when I decided we would go ice skating together on Wyatt's angel day. We had a really good time and the kids thoroughly enjoyed it. We then came home, had pizza and watched a funny movie. I had debated about watching Wyatt's videos but decided to of these days we will get them out and I'm sure many tears will be shed but for this day I decided to wait. There will come a day soon that we will do that.

My parents gave me a sweet gift. I was shopping with my mom a couple of months ago and saw this darling tea set. I fell in love with it and dreamed of the fun little tea parties me and the girls could have together. I didn't get it but went back later that week to see if it was still there and it wasn't. I figured it wasn't meant for me or else it would have still been there. Well, my mom had gone back that day and bought it for me and gave it to me on Wyatt's angel day. How completely sweet is that? I'm so grateful for such kind and thoughtful parents. They are simply wonderful! Now my dreams of fun little tea parties will come true.

Another gift that brought me to tears was a little quilt sent from a grandmother of sweet Kamber who passed away 6 months after Wyatt. Kamber's mom has been such an inspiration to me and has helped me in so many ways. She writes about grief and Kamber so wonderfully. She is amazing. I guess Kamber's grandma as been reading my blog and wanted to send something to me. She sent this amazing quilt and a butterfly to put on Wyatt's tree. It came on Wyatt's angel day while we were at the temple. What perfect timing! I cried as I opened very thoughtful and sweet. I LOVE everything about this quilt...the butterfly fabric, the words and the time and effort that was made to make it. I just feel so overwhelmed by so many kind and thoughtful people that I have never even met. I just feel so blessed. Thank you Kamber's grandma...they will always be cherished and when I look at them I will think of Kamber.

I do feel like we had added strength and comfort given to us this past week and yesterday. That prayers had been answered in our behalf. Thank you to each and everyone that has thought of us on this day. Thank you for all the sweet cards, e-mails and messages. I can't even express how much that means to us. How much it means to us that Wyatt is NOT forgotten and that his life and memories live on. That by him lives are being touched and changed for the better. Here are many pictures from our day. I have a few from ice skating that I will post later.
I LOVE some of the butterfly pictures we got.

Love this one on Tyler's shoe. Wyatt LOVES his brother!

The balloon release.

The beautiful bouquet my parents put on Wyatt's grave. Oh, so sweet! His grave so very decorated.

The tea set from my mom. Can't wait to enjoy it with my girls. We will have lots of fun with this!

Oh so cute!
Derek's mom and Dad sent this to us to. Can't wait to get some candles and light it up. I'm sure we will have many candle light dinners as a family with this. Love it!

Seriously, one of the sweetest things ever...thank you Kamber's grandma!

LOVE this quote from some dear friends of ours. Thank you!


Jill said...

Oh Andrea...I love this post. I love that you are feeling the thoughts and prayers of so many. I was so hoping you would yesterday. I couldn't help but cry a few times yesterday thinking of you and Wyatt. I cried when it started raining. I remembered driving up to the hospital that rainy day two years ago to pick you up after saying goodbye. I remember how you and Derek were so calm. You were at total peace. I knew there were angels around you holding you up. It's amazing how much you are loved. Oh...the memories of those few days are still so vivid and I can't believe it's been two years. I hope you continue to feel peace and that you keep feeling Wyatt nearby. You are amazing and are thought of often. I love the pictures. Those butterflies are amazing. Love you Andrea!

Elyse said...

Andrea-what a wonderful post. The first thing I thought of when I woke up Saturday morning was you and Wyatt. Wyatt is truly thought of often. I'm glad you were able to do some memorable things that day. It's great that you can document things through pictures. I love that tea set from Grandma and Grandpa. So fun for you and your girls to enjoy. We love you!

Melissa said...

Glad the day was so special and that Wyatt is remembered and loved by so many!

Amanda Stevens said...

As always, I am left feeling in awe of how you so eloquently express your love through word, deed and picture. Heavenly Father sent you a perfect angel son only because he knew you are an angel mother. I love following your journey and being reminded of what is most precious.

Andrea I have a friend who lost her daughter just under two months ago. She is in the initial stages of grief but I thought that your blog might help her find strength or peace. I hope you do not mind but I e-mailed her your blog address. Her name is Amy. Her daughter died from complications due to a cold. It was without warning, similar to Wyatt.

I hope that I have not been insensitive.

I am not sure how my heart aches for a perfect little baby I have never held, but I feel your loss today...thank you Andrea for letting us into such a personal part of your heart. It evokes pure feelings of the love of a mother.

Angela said...

You are just beautiful! I love your words, your pictures and your spirit.

My heart is with you! I think of you often...I have been a slacker of a blogger...but I do think of you!

I am coming out west this summer....I will be in the provo area the week of July 4....if you happen to be up that way...I would love to meet you and your family!!

Larsen said...

There is just no way. There is no way. There is no way that it's really been 2 years. That does not compute in my head. It's just not possible. It doesn't feel like that. When I think of Wyatt and Gavin it just seems like a week ago,...maybe. As I read your post, I just kept thinking, that can't be right. Sorry, for the rambling, I'm trying to make sense of it I guess. 2 years?? It was a beautiful post, and Andrea, I LOVE to hear about your Wyatt moments. It is such a testimony for me. Sweet, tender mercies for a beautiful Mommy. Thank You for sharing. Sending you love

Gavin's Mom

larsen family said...

I am so glad that Wyatt's angel day was so peaceful. I'm happy that you got your quilt from my mother in law. You have helped her in so many ways through her grief of Kamber. I know the quilt was made with alot of love directly from the heart.
Hope your days continue to be sweet!
Angel Kamber's Mom

Colleen said...

Thank you for sharing Wyatt's angel day with us. I have 2 friends here in St. George that their son's agel days are also March 13th. One just last year, and one, 18 years ago. After reading your blog and many of Gavin's angel's blogs you have given me the courage to start my blog. Thank you again.

carolyn q said...


I just want you to know that I continue to think of you and your sweet Wyatt. I don't really think there has been a day go by that since I have known you I haven't.
I am glad that you were able to honor your little guy and that you were granted some wonderful Wyatt moments with the butterfly.
Thank you for being so inspiring admist the heartache you feeling in missing Wyatt.