Sunday, March 14, 2010

Two lives

I wrote this post a few days ago but didn't get around to posting it. I've been sick all week with an awful cold. I've really had to try and not think or feel because I just couldn't handle more congestion that crying would create. Maybe in a way it was a blessing but I'm sure this next week it will hit me...all those memories of 2 years ago. I still can't believe it's been two years and my longing and aching has not changed. Though I've been able to learn how to life again I still long to have Wyatt physically in my life. That will never change and grief will still continue coming at moments here and there. But I've learned that I can make it through those moments because I've made it through so many before. Not that it makes it any easier but there is a sweet assurance that I will survive and make it through another wave of grief when it comes.

I just want to quickly thank everyone for all the thoughtfulness and prayers that have been shown to us this week. Especially yesterday. We feel so blessed with such wonderful friends, family and strangers that have touched our hearts. I will post about our day yesterday and all the thoughtful things people did for us. I feel so blessed with so many wonderful and kind people in our lives. We felt added strength and love and I'm positive that came from so many prayers and thoughts that were made in our behalf. Thank you everyone!

Post from a few days ago....

On March 13, 2008 I began a journey...a new life. I feel like I have 2 lives now. One before March 13, 2008 and the one after that day. I often long for the life before that day...the naive life where I had no idea what grief was all about. Where life was so simple. Where my heart was free from the ache and longing that I feel. Where my life felt so complete.

My life after Wyatt's death has been so much harder than I could have ever imagined. I felt such strength, peace, comfort and almost a part of heaven the last days we had with Wyatt and the day he passed to the other side. I guess I thought I would continue to feel that but it eventually left and I've had to take each day as it has come. Making little steps here and there and doing the best I could possibly do each day. I've learned that "The best way out is always through." That is not the easiest thing to do but it's the best way to do it.

I do feel like my life now has so much more meaning than it did before Wyatt died. I've learned things and felt things that I couldn't have learned any other way. I feel such a deepness inside me that wasn't there before. I notice things more. They bring more joy and happiness to me than they did before Wyatt died. I know whats truly important in this life. My compassion level has increased beyond what I thought it could possibly be. But with that said I would give anything in this world to go back to that other life the one with Wyatt physically in it.

My faith has been tested and continues to be tested but I'm proud of how I've made it through the past 2 years. How have I made it? Check out this post I posted last year. I feel those same things are what have helped me through yet another year without my Wyatt and I know that they will help me through another one without him as well.

I'm not sure if I've talked about that day 2 years ago when Wyatt passed to the other side. It was the most SPIRITUAL day of my life and I will often have to remind myself of the incredible feelings I felt that day. The knowledge that I knew at that moment that he was where he was suppose to be. The peace and love we felt was almost tangible at that time. I truly feel like we felt a glimpse of what heaven is like.

2 years ago on March 13th I began a new life....and I'm trying to do my best to endure it well.

This I know...Our love is eternal and it will never change! Love you Wyatt!


Marc and Megan said...

I have no words for this incredibly beautiful post. You are amazing and I count it a huge blessing to know you!

Leanne said...


Bartel's said...

Hi Andrea....just thinking about you & your family a lot this week. Take care!

Candi and Skeet said...

I have been thinking about you and your family this weekend but haven't been able to get a note to you until now. I hope that you are doing well and that you have been able to feel Wyatt with you during this hard time. My prayers are with you. Hugs!!

Bridget said...

Thinking of you and your two lives. I totally get it. There are so many blessings and so much peace and at the same time so much longing and so much grief. It doesn't seem like so many conflicting emotions can be present in one person.

Wyatt's angel day happens to be one of my son's birthdays. Wyatt's birthday is a couple of days off of my Evan's angel day.

Felipe and Erika said...

Andrea, over the last 2 years
I have marveled at your gift for words. To be able to express your feelings in such a beautiful meaningful and understandable manner. When I read your post, I felt my heart and eyes well up with tears. Honestly,you mentioned that you have such deep compassion. I am sure your words have helped all who know you. They have helped me on such a personal stop what ever I think is so important and pressing and simply enjoy my little moments with my children. You are such an example to me, I love you and think of you every day:)

D-9 said...

I am sorry I didn't write yesterday. I pray you feel his love all around you. I am glad you have spring so early where you are so you can experience once again God's love all around you. Thinking of you lots. If you come to AZ for spring break is it ok if we stop by for a visit?
Love ya.

Bridget said...

I, too, love the butterfly in your dad's hand. Beautiful. Captivating. I just want to look that butterfly in the eye some more. I'm so happy you had a peaceful Angel Day.

Bridget said...

Whoops...I meant that last comment for your Angel Day'd I get here? ha ha ha