Sunday, February 28, 2010

Approaching...

Wyatt's angel day is approaching in a couple of weeks. I truly can't believe it's almost been 2 years. I can't believe it's been that long since I held my little boy. It just makes my arms ache more than ever. I haven't really felt like expressing my feelings lately. I have been busy with life but that doesn't take away the fact that grief continues to hit for moments here and there. Not nearly as much as it use to do but it's still there. I think the fact that his angel day is approaching doesn't help either. Tonight I just ache for him...it's hard to even describe that ache but it's such a real tangible thing. Oh, what I would do to just hold him again. To have him grab onto my finger as I would feed him. To give him a bath and blow on his tummy and make him laugh. To put lotion on him and smell that sweet smell. Oh, I would give anything in this world to have him back into my arms. A day does not go by that I don't think about him and miss him. I don't think that will ever change. I love him too much.

I ordered caterpillars/butterflies to release on his angel day. They are now in their chrysalises and will be butterflies in a few days. I'm now hoping I can keep them alive for his angel day. I'm looking forward to having some real butterflies in my life again. It's been months since that.

I so wanted to leave town to just get away for his angel day. Maybe in a sense to just run away from the fact that it can't possibly be 2 years since he left us. How could that possibly be? The ache is still so there. But finances as they are we can't leave town so we will spend the day doing the things we did last year. Attending the temple, releasing butterflies and balloons and spending some time remembering our little boy and I'm sure shedding a few tears. We haven't watched the videos we have Wyatt...maybe we will be brave and get them out. I know it will not be easy but I do think it will help keep his memory alive. I'm afraid that memory is fading too quickly as time passes. Hopefully the videos will bring it back without too much pain. Spring break for us will never be the same. It always falls on the same week as two years ago when we thought we were going on vacation and ended up watching our baby take his last breath. Something I never thought I would have to witness.


I'm so grateful my brother thought to take these pictures and all the others of our last week with Wyatt. Though they are hard to see I'm so grateful I have them.


16 comments:

She Made Mention said...

I am so sorry... just remember that those pictures & videos are such blessings {cherish them}. {allow them to bless you}. You are such a beautiful mother Andrea. I adore how you honor your son. I will be thinking of you all... that ache is very real and understandably VERY hard! It is okay to shed tears--- and lots of them. Take your day as it comes and love your family the best you can---- for Wyatt. You are such a great example to me. I love ya!

Jess

Jill said...

Those pictures...oh Andrea, I know this must be so hard. You are brave and strong and I know you will be held up by angels and Wyatt himself on that day. You know I'm here and will be thinking of you.

Please call if you need to talk, cry, or laugh. Those memories are fresh for me as well. So unreal. Love that little boy. Love you! I can't imagine the ache...the loss...

but I love you, and I'm praying for you.

Eileen said...

What sweet, tender photos. They made me cry. I can't imagine what they must do to your heart. I'm sending love and hugs from the Top of Utah.

JoAnn said...

Hello, I came across your blog from a friend of mine's blog. I have been touched by you and your family and appreciate your strength. I live in Kanab, and my husband and I have a vacation home rental business, if you would like a get away I would like to offer you a few nights in one of our properties at no charge. I understand about tight finances. If you are interested you can go to my website www.kanabvacationrentals.com and contact me from there.

The Holland Family said...

I think about you often. I hope that this year isn't to hard. Well, they all are hard, what am I thinking? Love to you, Nicole

Alicia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alicia said...

Oh Andrea- I can only imagine how you feel each day let alone the day that he left here. I know that he will be watching over you that day. You are in my prayers. I love you. You are an example to us all.

Eldredge Family said...

Thank you for sharing your words. We are approaching Sages first Angel day on March 15th. It is our family's spring break as well. We have been so torn stay at home or run away to Disneyland with the kids. Our stories are so similar in so many ways. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings and testimony with me. I will continue to keep you and your beautiful family in my prayers.

Eldredge Family said...

March 19th opps is his Angel Day my wedding anniversary is March 15th.........sorry.

Robyn said...

I've been thinking about you so much lately, knowing this day was coming soon. Hope it isn't too difficult and full of tender mercies. Love you lots!

Candi and Skeet said...

My heart goes out to you. I hope that as Wyatt's angel day approaches you will be able to feel peace and feel his spirit with you. I am here if you need anything...
Hugs!!
Candi

Gedge's said...

Those pictures are amazing. I can see the bond between you and him. So strong! I will be on the lookout for his butterflies! I am thinking of you!

Teea Lamb said...

I'm so sorry.

Jen said...

Oh Andrea, I love you so much. My heart just breaks.

tori said...

Thank you for sharing the hard pictures...they speak so much.

T.I.D.S.A.H. said...

You are such an incredible person to me. Your testimony and knowledge of the plan of salvation and faith and belief in our Heavenly Father's plan always strengthens mine. You are a wonderful mom and daughter of God. I am so glad to know you and be able to see you every Sunday. I sure love you and thank you for sharing those pictures.