Friday, September 18, 2009

Wyatt's Birthday Plans

Monday is Wyatt's birthday. Can it be? Is he really gone? Will he not be here to blow out his 2 candles? Oh, it is so unreal at times. My heart aches terribly for him. I would do anything in this world to just be able to hold him again, to look into his big eyes and tell him how much I love him. I know there will come a day when I will get to do that again but waiting for that day sometimes seems beyond anything I possibly can do. My heart aches, and my soul aches...literally. It hurts!

I think I have been in denial that his birthday is coming. It's been easier to just not think about it, than to deal with what to do. So, on Tuesday it hit me and I decided that I needed to try and do something memorable. If I didn't have other kids I don't think I would do anything. I would just spend the day at home crying. I'm grateful for them because they motivate me to do things that will hopefully keep Wyatt's memory alive.

I found something on e-bay. Something I think is more for me than anyone but I plan on wrapping it up and giving it to the kids on Monday. (that's if it comes in time...again I have really been in denial over his birthday) I just have to say when I found it on e-bay, I cried. I also have to say there are good people in this world. The person I bought this item from priority mailed it to me so that it should be here this weekend. I will post about it after the kids open it.

I've had a few people ask me what we are going to do for his response is "do what we did last year" but I truly can't remember all we did until I read the posts. My heart again was overflowing at all the love that so many people showed us last year. Wow, we have been blessed with such great people and family in our lives. All the balloon releases will be something we will never ever forget. So amazing!

I think Derek and I will always go to the temple for Wyatt's birthday and angel day. For me the temple has been a great blessing since Wyatt died. I can not think of something better we can give someone than to give them the blessings of progressing into eternity. So, we will go and do sealings on Wyatt's birthday. Hopefully we will get to seal some kids to their parents. I can't think of a greater gift to give someone than to give them the ability to have their children forever. After the temple I have no idea what we will do. I'm sure once the kids are home from school we will release balloons at Wyatt's grave and maybe let them pick out something at all a dollar to put on his grave. We will most likely have a Wii tournament and cake of some sort. We may watch Wyatt's video which always brings on many, many tears...and that's ok. That is part of the healing and part of the missing and longing to have him again. And then we will open up our "No empty chairs" box and read those things we gave to Wyatt last year and then give him a new gift for this year. And who knows maybe we will come up with a new little tradition to do....or maybe not.

For those of you that would like to remember Wyatt for his birthday I would ask again this year if you would attend the temple sometime next week in his memory. Again, I can't think of a greater gift to give than eternal life. I feel like the temple is where heaven and earth meet. If you are unable to attend the temple and would like to remember Wyatt in some way then I would ask if you could try and do one random act of kindness for someone else. It will do my heart good knowing that his birthday is a day where peoples lives are being blessed for good.

There are days and moments like right now that I truly can't believe this is my life. How could this be? How could it be that Wyatt is not here for his 2nd birthday? How could I have possibly buried one of my children...let alone my baby. It's unbelievable. Words can't even describe the longing I have to hold Wyatt again, to kiss him, to dance with him, to dress him, to bathe him, to rub his chubby little feet, etc. etc. And most of all to look into his eyes and tell him how much I love him. I look forward with all my soul for that day...that wonderful day!


Jill said...

Made me cry. I so look forward to that day. I can not wait to see you hold Wyatt again. What amazing day that will be! Know that I love you and I hope Monday is a day full of love and tender mercies.

Marc and Megan said...

Just want you to know that you've been in my thoughts. It was such an honor to participate in remembering Wyatt last year. I'll be attending the temple tomorrow in memory of him. No matter how often I see Wyatt's photos, I'm always struck with the wisdom that he radiates in that young, chubby face. I hope someday it makes better sense why these things happen. Until then, I'm so grateful for the comfort and friendship of people like you.

D-9 said...

I will attend the temple next tuesday Andrea, I think of you often and send my love out to you and your beautiful family. This time of year is rough for us too. I wish we didn't have to do this at all. I am glad that I know you though. Take care, thinking of you this weekend.

drans007 said...

We miss you too Wyatt. Happy Birthday cute boy. You have the most humble, spiritual family I have ever known.