Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The story behind the pictures

Words truly can't express how much I love these pictures but what makes them even more special to me is the story behind them. I hope it's ok to tell this story Jill. I've debated if I should share something so tender and sweet but I decided if it helps someone out there believe that there is life after this one and that those that have passed on still are a part of our lives then it is worth sharing. I truly believe those spirits, our loved ones, are there each day helping us through this life. I know Wyatt is very aware of our family and I'm so grateful for that knowledge. I do have to add, it's still hard not having him physically in my life. That is always going to be a very hard thing for me.

My sweet and amazingly talented niece Jill started having a dream a month ago. In the dream she was doing a photo shoot of Hayley. Hayley was dressed in white. Jill said she would just follow her around during her day and take pictures of her. During this photo shoot there was a butterfly next to Hayley everywhere she went. In each and every picture she took, that beautiful butterfly was in it. It was almost like the butterfly was a part of her. My niece told me that she kept having this same dream at least twice a week. After having this reoccurring dream over and over again she decided that she needed to act on it and that is where the inspiration to these pictures came from. I personally feel it was a gift from heaven sent to bless me. I believe Wyatt is with our family more than I think or can imagine. He is like that beautiful butterfly that was with Hayley everywhere she went. I feel like Wyatt is not gone from our lives, that he is concerned and aware of each thing we do. He is there with us on those important occasions and I also believe is he with us on those non important ones as well. I know he is busy doing whatever he is suppose to do but I also believe he is just as busy with being apart of our family. I feel those loved ones on the other side are concerned for us and are with us. They also want us to do all we can and live the way we should so we can return and be with them forever.

I am a picture person. I love pictures so I have to say it's been a great struggle for me since Wyatt died to take any pictures of my kids together or as a family. When one person is missing it's hard to visually see that void. But when I saw these pictures that Jill took I instantly felt like I finally had a picture of all 4 of my kids. Even though you can not see Wyatt's cute face and his chubby little arms and legs I feel his spirit through these pictures. I truly believe he had something to do with those dreams and with the inspiration that my niece received. I also believe a loving Heavenly Father is aware of some of the struggles I feel and blessed me with this gift. There is a part of heaven in these pictures when I look at them....I feel it, I feel Wyatt! Thank you Jill for giving me a part of my little boy. Thank you for creating a memory all my kids will remember. Tyler, Emily and Hayley were so excited to keep a secret from their mom and to be a part of keeping Wyatt's memory alive. I hope it will be as healing to them as they see these pictures as it is to their mom. I'm so grateful to my niece that she took the time and courage required to act upon this inspiration. I believe in inspiration from a loving Heavenly Father and I feel like this is where the inspiration for these pictures came...along with a little bit of help from Wyatt. Thank you Jill for sharing your talents and for being in tune with the spirit. I will cherish these pictures for the rest of my life. I'm so grateful for those tender mercies from heaven.

Can you see Wyatt's name in these two photos?

Monday, September 21, 2009

More tears of gratitude

A couple of weeks ago while we were up north for the heart walk my niece took my kids on a secret photo shoot. She would not tell me what she was doing other than she wanted my kids dressed in white. This morning when we went to Wyatt's grave for breakfast I opened a package from her and this is what was inside. Along with a CD filled with many more amazing pictures and the incredible story behind them. I will post more pictures and share the story later. Until then I just wanted to share this beautiful picture. Again, many more tears of gratitude of have been shed today. Thank you Jill...can't even express how much these pictures will be cherished. Thanks to everyone for the sweet e-mails and comments left. I've been overwhelmed with gratitude today for the amazing, wonderful friends, family and people in our lives. Thank you for remembering us and our little Wyatt today. So many things to post...until later. THANK YOU JILLY!

*update: if you want to see some more of the amazing photo's she took click here to go to my nieces photography blog.

Sunday, September 20, 2009


The past 18 months I have shed many tears. Mainly tears of grief, sorrow, pain and longing to have my Wyatt back but tonight I shed tears of GRATITUDE and deep, deep LOVE for some amazing neighbors, friends and dear sisters in my ward. I can't even come up with words to express the gratitude in my heart for these women in my life. For my sweet visiting teacher that has put forth sooooooo much effort in my behave, since my throwing up days while pregnant with Wyatt, to his death and now today at the eve of his 2nd birthday. It's a long a beautiful story of how this necklace, plus an extra one for Emily came to be. One of these days I will tell the story but until then, miracles do happen. There are kind and amazing people in this world. So, grateful for an inspired visiting teacher who listens to the promptings of the spirit. For blessing my life and helping me along this journey of grief. Thank you Lisa...thank you everyone that made this precious gift possible. So, grateful to a loving Heavenly Father for blessing my life. These necklaces will be cherished with love throughout my entire life and generations to come.

Inside these two shells is sand from this beach in Australia where Wyatt's name was written. The butterfly was custom made...Emily's necklace is also custom and different from this one. Simply amazing!

The beautiful card they of the greatest gifts that can be given to someone that has lost a loved one is to remember that loved one. Especially, on days like these. Thank you my dear friends for doing this for me and my family. Thank you for celebrating Wyatt's birthday with us. We will be forever grateful to you for this.

Not only did they give me and Emily these beautiful necklaces they bought a butterfly necklace for Hayley as well. They also gave Tyler a butterfly stepping stone kit which we will make tomorrow. It will go in our garden next to the weeping cherry tree, and the rose bushes from Wyatt's birth. I will post pictures of each of these things. (Hayley and Emily are asleep with their necklaces on...I will get pictures tomorrow.)

Again, words simply can not convey the gratitude and love that is in my heart tonight. Thank you everyone!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Wyatt's Birthday Plans

Monday is Wyatt's birthday. Can it be? Is he really gone? Will he not be here to blow out his 2 candles? Oh, it is so unreal at times. My heart aches terribly for him. I would do anything in this world to just be able to hold him again, to look into his big eyes and tell him how much I love him. I know there will come a day when I will get to do that again but waiting for that day sometimes seems beyond anything I possibly can do. My heart aches, and my soul aches...literally. It hurts!

I think I have been in denial that his birthday is coming. It's been easier to just not think about it, than to deal with what to do. So, on Tuesday it hit me and I decided that I needed to try and do something memorable. If I didn't have other kids I don't think I would do anything. I would just spend the day at home crying. I'm grateful for them because they motivate me to do things that will hopefully keep Wyatt's memory alive.

I found something on e-bay. Something I think is more for me than anyone but I plan on wrapping it up and giving it to the kids on Monday. (that's if it comes in time...again I have really been in denial over his birthday) I just have to say when I found it on e-bay, I cried. I also have to say there are good people in this world. The person I bought this item from priority mailed it to me so that it should be here this weekend. I will post about it after the kids open it.

I've had a few people ask me what we are going to do for his response is "do what we did last year" but I truly can't remember all we did until I read the posts. My heart again was overflowing at all the love that so many people showed us last year. Wow, we have been blessed with such great people and family in our lives. All the balloon releases will be something we will never ever forget. So amazing!

I think Derek and I will always go to the temple for Wyatt's birthday and angel day. For me the temple has been a great blessing since Wyatt died. I can not think of something better we can give someone than to give them the blessings of progressing into eternity. So, we will go and do sealings on Wyatt's birthday. Hopefully we will get to seal some kids to their parents. I can't think of a greater gift to give someone than to give them the ability to have their children forever. After the temple I have no idea what we will do. I'm sure once the kids are home from school we will release balloons at Wyatt's grave and maybe let them pick out something at all a dollar to put on his grave. We will most likely have a Wii tournament and cake of some sort. We may watch Wyatt's video which always brings on many, many tears...and that's ok. That is part of the healing and part of the missing and longing to have him again. And then we will open up our "No empty chairs" box and read those things we gave to Wyatt last year and then give him a new gift for this year. And who knows maybe we will come up with a new little tradition to do....or maybe not.

For those of you that would like to remember Wyatt for his birthday I would ask again this year if you would attend the temple sometime next week in his memory. Again, I can't think of a greater gift to give than eternal life. I feel like the temple is where heaven and earth meet. If you are unable to attend the temple and would like to remember Wyatt in some way then I would ask if you could try and do one random act of kindness for someone else. It will do my heart good knowing that his birthday is a day where peoples lives are being blessed for good.

There are days and moments like right now that I truly can't believe this is my life. How could this be? How could it be that Wyatt is not here for his 2nd birthday? How could I have possibly buried one of my children...let alone my baby. It's unbelievable. Words can't even describe the longing I have to hold Wyatt again, to kiss him, to dance with him, to dress him, to bathe him, to rub his chubby little feet, etc. etc. And most of all to look into his eyes and tell him how much I love him. I look forward with all my soul for that day...that wonderful day!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Pictures of the heart walk

Here are some of the pictures my niece took at the heart walk. Thank you Jill. They turned out so awesome!
Before releasing the butterfly.
The whole group getting together to release all the butterflies at once.

Butterflies....:) So incredible!!

One of my most favorite parts of the day. So grateful for family.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Heart walk

We had the wonderful opportunity to go to the 2nd annual IHH walk on Saturday. It was such a neat event. So well organized and very special. There were so many there in attendance. It was amazing.

They started out with the 1 mile walk around the park. Tyler decided that he wanted to win the walk and ran the whole thing. He was the first one past the finish line. His nic name of turbo came through. (his uncles use to call him turbo when he was little because he ran every where he went and he was/is very fast) He also paced himself very well(he kept telling us how important it is to pace yourself) You rock Tyler!

I got to spend some time walking and talking with my kindred spirit. So, glad that I got to spend some time with her and her darling family. It's almost like we have known each other our whole life's. Almost strange in a way but oh so wonderful.

It was a very pleasant and beautiful morning. It was just perfect. After the walk they had an angel tribute where they remembered those children that have passed on. It was such a tender time. It will be something we as a family will never forget. They had all the heart angel families come down and we said our children's name. I didn't know if I could say Wyatt's name because it was so emotional hearing all the other names being said. But some how I got it out. During all of this music by Paul Cardall was playing. One of my favorite artist. His music has touched my heart on countless occasions since Wyatt's death.

After all the angel names were said they then gave us each a butterfly to release in memory of our children. There were a few angel children's families that weren't there so my kids each got to release a butterfly. You know how much I love butterflies so this was a great tender mercy for me and our family. When the butterflies were released they all grouped together and flew away except for one. That one flew up to where our family was sitting and flew around my Dad. I thought I was the only one that noticed that happen but my niece pointed that out after we got home. I have no doubt that Wyatt wanted those family members to know how much he loves them and to thank them for being so wonderful to his mom, dad, brother and sisters. The whole ceremony was a great tender mercy for me.

They also had a tent where posters were displayed of those angels. I used the same one from last year that I made for Wyatt. There was a special spirit as you walked around and saw the pictures and faces of so many amazing little children.

We had blown up some of our Wyatt balloons to hold during the whole event. After the butterflies were released they did some drawings for prizes.(Hayley won a great little basket full of music, a DVD and some Christmas ornaments that will be perfect for Wyatt's tree and a whole bunch of other stuff) We as a family went to the side and released our Wyatt balloons. That was really special for me. So wonderful to have some of those that I love so much together in a circle to release balloons in memory of Wyatt. It's always a neat thing for me to see balloons flying up to heaven.

My niece took pictures of the butterflies and the balloon release which I will post when I get a copy of them. Here are the few I took of this amazing event. I think this is something we will try and attend each year. Very memorable. Thanks to all the amazing people that did so much to make it possible. I'm so grateful for this group and what it has done to help me through the past 18 months. I especially grateful for those family members that were able to be there to support us. Thanks to those that were there and those that wish they could have been. We are grateful for any support we get. Can't wait to attend this event next year.

Face painting...butterflies:)

Our group

The walk.

We love you Wyatt...we miss you!!!

Sunday, September 13, 2009


Here are a few more pictures from Emily's birthday. I think she had a great day. At least she should have. She wanted fingernails again this year. I tried talking her out of it and even gave her the option of a friend party but she would rather get fingernails. So, that is what we did for her birthday. We also took her out for lunch at Brick Oven. It was a fun and memorable 10th birthday.

Hayley also started preschool on Emily's birthday. That was not an easy thing for me. I'm just not ready to be thrust into this new stage of life so quickly. It's just not how it was suppose to be. I should have a toddler at home with me. It's just hard.

Hayley was so excited to go to preschool. She has a great teacher and think it's going to be a wonderful year for her. I love the pictures I took before she left for preschool and then the one once we got there. You can see the excitement with the ones before but the one I took at the door of the preschool you can see the apprehension she was feeling. She ended up running out of preschool that day with the biggest grin in the world and lots and lots to tell me about. She is such a joy, along with my other kids.

This weekend we went to the angel walk. It was a really neat experience and I'm so glad we went. I will post about that soon.

Lunch at Brick Oven


Blowing out her candles.(Emily and I went shopping for a little while and came home and Hayley had licked the frosting off a lot of the cake. You can't really tell it from this pictures but there were little finger marks around the cake. Got to love a 4 year old with a sweet tooth!)

All ready for her first day of preschool.

Before going to preschool.
After arriving at preschool. Love her expression here. It just says it all.