Sunday, July 19, 2009

Bryce Canyon this past weekend.
I haven't posted much lately. Mainly because we have been VERY busy this summer, our computer has a virus or something and it's really hard to do anything on the internet and a part of me hasn't felt like expressing myself as much. I do have to say I continue to feel an enormous amount of ache...ache for Wyatt. I don't think this ache will ever go away. It's an ache that is hard to describe but is so real. I miss him each and everyday. I continue to shed tears over his absence in my life. I do feel the grief isn't as prevalent though. With that said, it's not gone, it's still there and it continues to hit me and take me under at random times. I truly can't believe it's been a year and 4 months since he passed away. I would think that ache would have changed with that amount of time but it hasn't much at all. I continue to feel that void in my life. There are things and moments and tender mercies though, that do help me cope. I look back on a year ago...last summer and I do see amazing improvement. The grief was everyday intense. Now it comes and goes more quickly.
I have lots of pictures to post. I LOVE summer and having my kids home. I don't look forward to them going back to school in a few weeks. Not that I haven't had my moments when they are fighting or arguing with each other that I wish I was singing the song "It's the most wonderful time of the year"(back to school) but on the most part I love having them with me each day. I love that we get to decide what we are going to do each day. We have done a lot of fun stuff along with working, learning and just chillin'. I will post about those things once I get some time. Here are a few pictures of Hatch I took this past weekend. Derek got to spend some time fishing which made his week. I'm enjoying photography and learning a little bit here and there.

A beautiful stream.

My Wyatt moment...haven't had too many of those this summer.

I couldn't but help to wonder if Wyatt would be like his dad....loves to fish. I hate that I have to wait a long. long time to find that out along with many, many other things I wonder about.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Elliana and Emmaline

In memory of Elliana and Emmaline. Thinking of you Megan and Marc. Thanks for letting us be a part of remembering your sweet girls yesterday.

Monday, July 6, 2009

4th of July Pictures

Every year I try and take a kids picture on the 4th. It's been kind of a tradition since Tyler was a baby. I have to admit now it's heartbreaking to me to take these pictures when Wyatt isn't or hasn't ever been a part of them. It's just hard. Again the lost dreams. I feel like a broken record saying the same stuff over and over again but that's how I feel and I'm not sure that it will ever change. I love him too much.

We spent the day with my parents who came down for the weekend. We relaxed, swam and went and saw the fireworks. It was a nice day. I'm so grateful for the wonderful country we live in and feel so blessed to have the freedoms that we enjoy. God bless America!
Hayley can be such a ham sometimes. It's hard not to take a million pictures of her when she lets me.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Eternal Love

I have thought a lot about the love I have for Wyatt and also the love that Wyatt has for me as his mother. It's such real and tangible thing. I've struggled with being able to fully describe how this love continues and doesn't stop because he died. Well, I just read a post on my friend Michelle's blog about her sweet James. She was able to express those things that I have had a hard time coming up with. She said it beautifully! (she is such a gifted writer) This is what she had to say about her James. I could say the same about my Wyatt. Michelle you are amazing, thank you for sharing these beautiful and comforting words. She said:

"I am amazed how my love continues to grow for James. I would have thought
that once someone dies, the love you have for them comes to a halt of growth. I
never thought that you would stop loving them, I just assumed that your love
would stop growing. I can honestly say that I love James insurmountably more
today than the day he died. It's a love that surpasses this life, a love that
only my spirit knows. My physical body doesn't know or understand this love
because it's not an earthly love, it's an eternal love. I feel him. I am
comforted by him. I know he still claims me as his Mom. I still claim him as my
son. He is mine, and I am his, forever. Death cannot change the bonds of Mother
and Son. Death will not interfere with the Love I am capable of having for