Monday, May 25, 2009

Memorial Day

Memorial day...a day I wish I didn't have a connection to as much as I do now. I think I've struggled more this year with this day than last year. It also doesn't help that we weren't home to go and be at Wyatt's grave. When we left on Friday for the weekend to go to my nieces wedding I cried knowing that my little boys grave wouldn't be visited this weekend. Not that he would care at all but for me I guess it's just hard knowing that he won't be included in the visiting that happens at the cemeteries this weekend. Oh, it's still so hard to believe this is my life...the life sentence that I've been given. I miss him so so much.

We do spend probably more time at his grave than most but for us it's a nice and peaceful place to go. It's such a beautiful cemetery. We have started going on Sunday nights while the weather is good. We have started a new little tradition of making a yummy treat and then eating it at Wyatt's grave. We then usually brings some bubbles or something to do at the cemetery. Our kids enjoy this family time and for us right now it's a good thing. We will often talk about the things we miss about Wyatt and the fun memories we have of him. I'm not sure how long we will do this but for now it's working. I'm so grateful we buried him close to our house. I needed him to be buried close to our house more than I thought at first. It's been a blessing for me.

Last week when Tyler got home from school Hayley ran up to him with great excitement and yelled "Tyler's home". The thought came to me that if Wyatt were still here he would be doing the same thing. I'm sure he would be so excited to see his big brother walk through the door. I could just see a cute little toddler running and yelling to his big brother. It just broke my heart when my thoughts came back to reality and the knowledge that that would never happen. Oh, the lost dreams for all of us.
Here's a couple of pictures I took before we left town. Hopefully, by next year we will have a bench there instead of the little marker.
It's still unreal to me that I have my little boys grave to just doesn't seem right.


Lisa said...

I thought about you a lot this weekend, Andrea. Lauryn & I got a little something for Wyatt's grave today, and then ran out of time to take it there. We will take it tomorrow, instead. I'm sorry you are struggling with not being at the cemetery this time, but know that others remembered him, too!

Amanda Stevens said...

Memorial Day becomes so alive and real for those that are remembering, honoring and missing someone they love. I am sorry this one was spent without the physical closeness of the cemetery where you feel close to Wyatt. Thinking of your family.

D-9 said...

I am so sorry you have to go through this too. I feel the same when I don't get to Tanner's grave... I have a hard time decorating it even. I love what you have done with Wyatt's. Remember he is always with you, his spirit is all around you, in you, your husband and your children. Even your home. The grave is just a place where the body is laid to rest. He IS with you.
Lots of love to you.

Larsen said...

I agree. One thing I would like to cross of my list of things to decorate, the first would be the grave. Thank you so much for thinking of me on Gavin's Birthday, you are so amazing and thoughtful. A real example of christ-like love. Thank you so much.!!!

Gavin's Mom

The Garner Gang said...

I am having a hard time believing this is my life also. Memorial day was so hard,but everyday since it has warmed up has been hard. One of these days we will have to meet. It is funny the bonds made through the internet.

Lots of Love your way,
Loughlin & Rhiannon's mom

Jill said...

This post completely broke my heart. Although I knew this weekend was a tough one for you, how neat to know that Wyatt absoluely was with you this weekend. There is no denying that! The Lord and Wyatt made certain you knew that too. What a special experience. I'm so glad we could all be apart of that. I want you to know that we all think of Wyatt, not just on Memorial day. He is still very much a part of this family. I love you Andrea, and I love your precious Wyatt.

The G Fam said...

So Beautiful! I am sorry you were away from Wyatt, but what a BEAUTIFUL wedding!

Nathan Gedge said...

Hard day for you! SO sorry and know that I am still thinking of you and your little boy.