Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Headstone

Yesterday we went to the mortuary to start figuring out what we want for Wyatt's headstone. I really can't believe I'm even having to do this for my baby. I shouldn't be designing a headstone, I should be designing scrapbook pages. It's just unreal at times. After meeting with the guy at the mortuary(which was hard to go back there) we went "window shopping" at a cemetery to see what we might want. We are leaning towards doing a bench. I really want his picture on the front and then maybe our family picture on the back. I've drawn up a few ideas but not sure what exactly we want. It's going to take us some time to even save up money for this but we've decided we have already waited a year lets wait until we can afford exactly what we want. So, at this moment that is what we are going to do. I've shed many tears and I'm sure there will be more to come as we go through this final process. Really can't believe we are doing this. And as always, I continue to miss our little boy and the many dreams that aren't being fulfilled right now. It's just plain hard.

6 comments:

Miss Molly said...

We just finalized Lucy's headstone today (I wish it were an April Fool's joke--but it's our reality). We are doing a bench as well.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It is all so surreal. Sometimes I think this entire life is surreal. Like one big dream. I guess in a way it is.

Thinking of you...

~plaid said...

It took us three years to get Dominic's headstone. It was similar to what you say. We needed to save for what we really would like. I sold a lot of my belongings on ebay so I could really feel like it was a gift from me.

It has been a year and a half since Bridget's death, and we know this time it will be more expensive. She was buried at the foot of her brother, so we can't do an upright in the middle of the plot. We invested so much into Dominic's headstone, that we can't see doing it all over, but there isn't a lot of room to spare if we put one for Bridget next to his. It will cost a lot more this time, just because we have to rearrange things. So it takes time. I've even thought about letting my mom help with the cost (she has offered), but it just seems like it should come from us as her final "tribute". We've stopped into the monument place a couple of times but they've been closed. Probably better, since we just aren't sure what we really can do anyway.

I don't understand it all. I don't know why this must be. But then I think of the women in Africa whose children die of malaria or starvation and they are so ill themselves. I think of how that is TODAY and they may never even have this opportunity to find a "fitting" memorial stone for their little one(s). So I know it is a blessing to live where we are privileged with this opportunity. But really, it's not much comfort. I would rather have my children than this "chance" to have a nice marker on their graves.

I have seen a lot of benches lately. they weren't as common when Dominic died. We don't have the space to do one for Bridget. I think they look nice, though. We put Dominic's picture on the front of his, and a picture of him with his (then) siblings with him on the back. We hadn't done a family photo. :( I like the photos being a part of it, so just thought I'd encourage you to do that if you are thinking of it. Anyway, what a crazy journey, eh? Keep holding on.

Larsen said...

We finalized Gavin's Headstone about 4 weeks ago. I hated it. It was so surreal. I just kept thinking "This isn't right. How can this be? I can't REALLY be picking out a headstone. This doesn't make any sense." I felt so confused the whole time. In the end we felt like there was nothing that I would be entirely happy with. Nothing compared to having him back again. I hope you can find something that satisfies you. Thinking of you!

D-9 said...

That was the hardest day for us. It was a year ago and I am having a hard time just even going to the cemetary here. I just feel such sorrow and cant'get rid of it. I Love you lots and am here for you.

Nathan Gedge said...

I remember when we picked out the headstone for Taylor. I was thinking in my head that we should be picking out a blessing outfit, toys, diapers NOT buying a headstone. I love that you are doing a bench- We couldn't because Taylor is buried above my husbands grandma. I think that will be sweet that you have a place to sit and ponder and BE with Wyatt.

You are still in my thoughts and prayers.
Julie

Bridget said...

We thought about a bench, too. But in the end opted for a stone with Evan's face engraved on it. I just love it every time I see it.

We were also able to have a planter ring put around the grave. The daffodils are out this week and the tulips should come next week. Here's a link if you want to see: http://bridgetjohns.blogspot.com/2009/04/flowers-for-evan.html.

It's so hard to do a memorial for your little one. Much love to you as you finalize your plans. I hope your cemetery is open to doing what you'd like to do.