Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I survived my first holiday season without Wyatt. I felt an added strength come upon me that helped me actually find moments of joy. Yes, there were those moments of tears and missing our boy but there was also moments of happiness. I was able to put grief on the shelf for a little bit and enjoyed time with family. We were able to go up north after Christmas. We went ice skating, played games and just enjoyed spending time with each other.

Once I got home though the grief was there waiting. I have had some really, really hard days. My arms continue to ache to hold him and love him again. I just miss him so much. Words can't even describe the longing I feel to have him back into my daily life.

I was reading a couple of books last night. I just love any quote that gives me hope of having Wyatt again just as he was laid to rest. I will not miss out on a single minute of his life. The hard part is going through the rest of this life without him in it. I look forward to the Millennium with great anticipation.
Here is a quote from the "History of the Church "regarding this: "Sister M. Isabella Horne said: 'In conversation with the Prophet Joseph Smith once in Nauvoo, the subject of children in the resurrection was broached. I believe it was in Sister Leonora Cannon Taylor's house. She had just lost one of her children and I had also lost one previously. The Prophet wanted to comfort us, and he told us that we should receive those children in the morning of the resurrection just as we laid them down, in purity and innocence, and we should nourish and care for them as their mothers. He said that children would be raised in the resurrection just as they were laid down, and that they would obtain all the intelligence necessary to occupy thrones, principalities and powers. The idea that I got from what he said was that the children would grow and develop in the Millennium, and that the mothers would have the pleasure of training and caring for them, which they had been deprived of in their life'".

I'm so grateful for this knowledge. I can't wait to nourish and care for Wyatt again. I don't know what I would do today without that knowledge. It's hard enough going through the grief but if I didn't have the hope of having Wyatt again I don't know where I would be today.

Yesterday, Derek hung the picture he gave me for Christmas. As I was looking at it closer I found something else that I love about it other than it reminds me so much of Wyatt the weeks before he passed away and the fact that he his touching his feet like Wyatt would do and his hands and feet look just like Wyatt's, he also has about the same amount of hair that Wyatt did....I could go on and on with so many similiarities but today I noticed his eyes. His eyes are looking at his mothers with such love and excitement...just like Wyatt use to do to me and I did to him. I miss Wyatt's smile and the twinkle in his eyes. I have no regrets with the time I had with Wyatt. I enjoyed him everyday of his short life. I'm so glad I did. I miss his smile and the happiness he brought into my daily life. I miss his giggle as I would blow on his stomach. I could go on and on with all the little things I miss about him. I love this painting because it reminds me of what I will see on the morning of the first resurrection--my almost 6 month old little boy. I'm just grateful for the knowledge that I have that I will get to do all the many things I long to do with Wyatt again someday. I will be able to look into his eyes again and see the love and excitement in them. And I know he will be able to see the same things from my eyes. The hard part is waiting until the Millennium for that. Oh, I can hardly wait.
The painting by Greg Olsen that Derek gave me for Christmas.


Eileen said...

What a beautiful post. It warmed my heart on a VERY cold day. I have no doubt that you were chosen by a loving Heavenly Father, to bring Wyatt to this earth to receive his earthly body. I wish I could hug you today. I feel like you just hugged me.
Thank you!

neener said...

It is so beautiful, I am so glad you got your painting.

Natalie said...

That was an awesome post! What a neat gift for Derek to give you. That baby really does look a lot like Wyatt. I love your testimony of the plan of salvation. It is so strong and I can't help but feel the spirit when I read you posts. You are amazing!

Jill said...

I love that painting! I can't wait to come visit you guys and spend some time is Wyatt's room with you. I want to see the book you've made.

What an amazing quote and such a blessing to have the knowledge that you will not only see Wyatt again, but that you will be able to raise him from the age he left you. Oh I'm getting teary thinking about it! I can't wait for you to be able to hold your baby boy again!

Had a Wyatt moment yesterday, which made all of the 6 month olds that came in the office later that day kind of emotional, because of Wyatt's picture at my desk. Such a darling boy! I love you Wyatt! I love you Andrea!

larsen family said...

That picture is beautiful. There are many pics. I would love to have from Deseret Book of little girls that remind me of Kamber. What a wonderful Christmas present. I love reading your blog, your words are always so sweet.
Thinking of you,
Jen Larsen From the Angel blog

Robyn said...

Beautiful post, beautiful picture! I love that Derek got it for you. Congratulations on surviving your first holiday season-lets do lunch and celebrate! You share your testimony every day, just by the way you are living. Thanks for being so wonderful! Love ya!

Katelyn said...

I don't know you, but I am so sorry about the loss of your baby boy. Hang in there, everything is going to be okay. He is watching over you and you will see him again. I will keep you in my prayers.