Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Today I went outside to mow the lawn--yes, we still need to do that here where we live. I really love the long falls here. Anyway, the lawn mower wasn't starting up. Hay was looking out the window watching me pull and pull with no success. She finally came outside and starting chanting "Don't give up" over and over again. She then told me she had learned that on Dora the Explorer. She kept saying it over and over again. She wasn't giving up. I stopped pulling to get a breath and she kept cheering me on. I probably would have given up at that point and waited for my husband but her chanting/cheering motivated me and I had to let her know that we don't give up. So, I continued to pull and pull. Finally, it started. She kept chanting the whole time I was mowing the lawn. As I was listening to her, the thought came to me that Wyatt is probably saying those same words to me as well. Some days I just want to give up. The grief and sorrow can become so hard and overwhelming that I wonder if I'm going to make it through another day without my baby in my life. Grief can be physically draining. I don't think I would have understood that before Wyatt died but I do now. Along with it being physically draining it can be emotionally, mentally and spiritually draining as well. But from the wise words of my 3 year old--I can't give up. I have way too much at risk to give it all up. I have to believe that Wyatt is cheering me on as well. I wouldn't be surprised if he used Hay as his mouth piece. He just might of helped her remember that from Dora the Explorer. So, I'm going to try my hardest to not give up. All I can do right now is try my best one day at a time. If just getting out of bed is all I can do some days I'm proud of my self for doing just that. As a wise friend reminded me today...The only way out, is through.
Posted by Andrea at 12:04 AM