Saturday, November 8, 2008


I just got back from spending 4 days in Oceanside, California with some of those "seen angels" I referred to on my previous post. It was wonderful and something I needed--to spend some time with people that care and truly know how to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort. I was able to laugh more than I have in a long time but I was also able to cry and have these sweet women cry with me and listen with love to what I had to say. How grateful I am for all of the people Heavenly Father has placed into my life to help me through this trial. Thank you to everyone out there that has touched my life for good. I feel like this trip was rejuvenating and something I needed. I learned so much from these wonderful women. I feel like I will be a better wife and mother because of what I have learned from them.
Each time I go somewhere or do something that I wouldn't have been doing if Wyatt were here I feel a sense of guilt or a sense of wishing I wasn't doing it because that would mean Wyatt was still in my life(if that makes sense). A week after Wyatt's funeral we went as a family to California. My sweet Emily pointed out to me a few times during that trip that if Wyatt hadn't died we wouldn't be there. She was so right. We wouldn't have. Derek and I wouldn't have gone to Maui if Wyatt hadn't have died and I wouldn't have spent a week with friends in California. I'm grateful for all of these experiences that have truly helped me on the path of healing but on the other hand I wish so bad I wouldn't have had the opportunity to go because Wyatt was still in my life. I would do anything to have him back. Hopefully that makes some sense.
On a side note....while in California we were able to see the anger and hatred of those opposed to proposition 8. We were in Beverly Hills at a stop light when a group of very angry people marched right in front of us. Yelling and screaming about what they felt was right. They were mad that proposition 8 had passed. There were police everywhere. I saw one man stick up for what he thought was right which was opposite from what these people thought --they attacked him verbally. I was concerned they might attack him physically as well. You could visibly see the anger in their eyes. I was so impressed with this man that he would stick up all by himself for what he believed in, with a mob of angry people yelling and swearing at him. It was eye opening to see such passion, anger and hatred toward a perfect stranger. I know there have been many LDS members in California having to experience this anger and hatred first hand. We are living in challenging times...the second coming doesn't seem as far off to me after witnessing that. Which for me means I will be with my Wyatt sooner rather than later.(yes, I have a distorted view now--I do not fear the second coming....I want it to come quickly)


Larsen said...

Don't worry. I posted something similar yesterday. That when the Lords chooses to call me home I will welcome it with open arms. I get where your coming from on that one :) It seems to be a similar thread for a lot of moms missing their little ones. No fear of death. Sending love your way.

Gavin's Mom

Natalie said...

I'm glad you enjoyed California! Your posts are really so great Andrea. That help me to think of things that are really important to me. There are so many people that are so fearful for the second coming and that is something that I've never understood. What could be better then Christ coming back to the earth? I hope I will be near when you get to see Wyatt again. What a wonderful moment that will be!!! Love you!

Jill said...

I'm glad you got to go on that trip. How neat! I can't imagine what it's like for the saints in California. Man...scary. Things are only going to get worse unfortunately. Scary but exciting as well. You're reunion with Wyatt isn't too far off. :) Love you!

Leanne said...

wow, that is neat, what a great getaway!! you are such an amazing person.

tori said...

"He which testifieth these things saith, 'Surely I come quickly.' Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus."
Revelation 22:20

The distorted view is to not wish for the second coming. To be so wrapped up in the here and now that we don't see that eternity awaits us...and very shortly. Each of us is only a breath away. I think Jonathan Edwards in his famous sermon, "Sinners in the hands of an angry God" described this well.

Although I write this knowing it is true...I can relate to you in that it was only in losing my sweet daughter that my heart was changed in this way - like yours. I used to be looking for some completeness in this life...and now I know it will never be realized on this side of death. I could have 20 more kids, and my family would not be complete.

And on a different note... one of my friends wrote on my blog about how she respected the work the LDS people had in passing proposition 8 in CA. I too am thankful for all of those who are upholding righteousness!

gcashton said...

I'm so glad you were able to get away with good friends for fun, laughs, and tears. So needed. You are surrounded by those who love you--what a blessing.
There are many of us who have the same "distorted view" as you described. Amazing how our perspective can change in an instant.
Again and again--thanks for sharing your beautiful thoughts.

Amanda said...

That is cool you went on that trip. it sounds like you had a good time. I agree with you about the second coming. It's scary what the world is coming to but exciting at the same time. I love you andrea. Have a good day!

Teea Lamb said...

I'm glad you were able to get away and enjoy your time in California. I am also glad you have people you can talk to. That helps a lot. And I understand the desire for the second coming. I feel it to. It will be an amazing reunion in so many ways.

Nathan Gedge said...

I was thinking about you today. I had a dream last night that I came to visit your sweet family and you and I locked eyes and just started crying together. I don't know exactly what that means, but I am glad that you were able to get with other mothers that KNOW how you feel. Hope you are doing well.