Thursday, October 2, 2008

80%

There is a statistic that is quite alarming to me. 80% of couples get a divorce when they have lost a child. I know Derek and I won't be one of those. We are an eternal family and we have way to much at risk--we have our Wyatt waiting in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom for us. With that said I also see how important it is for us to build our marriage and make sure it's number one when a crisis like this happens. I'm grateful that our marriage was strong before Wyatt died and that it was a priority then because I can see how it could tear you apart if it wasn't. I'm glad it has done the opposite for us and has made us stronger and more understanding of one another. I have the greatest husband! He is so good to me and so patient with my grief. His grief has been so different than mine and at times it's been hard not to have him feel the same as I am feeling. I'm learning more and more how different we are but what a blessing that is. He has been able to pick up and move forward to provide for our family. If he grieved like me--well, we would probably be living in the streets right now. I'm not saying by any means our marriage is perfect--it's far from that but having Wyatt die has really shown us that we can get through anything..TOGETHER.
We had some frequent flier miles we needed to use or lose so we are going to Maui tomorrow. I haven't told very many people about it maybe because I'm feeling a little guilty that I'm not extremely excited. Don't get me wrong--I'm excited but probably not as excited as I would have been lets say ...7 months ago. So we are going to spend a week together building our relationship and making sure it survives through the storm we are going through right now. Thank you to Derek's parents for coming and spending a week with our kids and thanks to my parents for helping us out on our accommodations. Until later...Aloha!

9 comments:

Marc and Megan said...

Andrea, I really appreciated hearing your thoughts on this... it's amazing how having a temple sealing and a knowledge of what awaits us after this life that makes getting through the thick of it so much easier. It's funny, we're also getting away for a few days, too, next week... I hope you have a wonderful time together in Hawaii! :)

Robyn said...

Andrea-
I agree, you have a great husband. I am so glad you are going to Hawaii. I am also very jealous!!! I can't wait to see some great vacation photos. Have a wonderful trip, you two deserve it!

Eileen said...

80%?! That is very alarming! We have a friend that is a police officer, and he told us if he is called to any scene where a child has been seriously injured or killed, they are instructed to get the grieving parents together, or at least in the same room. Makes sense. I'm glad you have each others strengths, AND differences.

ALOHA! Hope you enjoy Paradise.

Jill said...

Have fun! Jealous... You guys deserve this!

Krainich Family said...

It is an alarming statistic. It has to be lower in the gospel though. I don't know, but if our marriage was awful, at least I would have in the back of my mind, "but I want to be with James again, we have to make this work" Our grief sounds similar to your grief. Joe has been so much more logical, and matter of fact, and I am so much more emotional. We went to Hawaii 6 months after James died. It was a much needed vacation. I felt guilty too at first because I didn't feel like we had the money to spend. . . we were spending money given to us. But it was one of the best things we could have done to cope with our grief. . to get our minds off it, to have a good time, to remember what it felt like to laugh. It's good because none of your kids are with you, so for us it feelt like we were just taking a vacation from james. However, on the plane ride home, at 3 am I sobbed into Joe's shoulder just sobbed because I realized I was going home to reality. It will be good for you to reconnect. I am so jealous. . have a good time. I could use a good vacay rightt about now!

janalee said...

Your trip sounds like a wonderful idea- I hope you have a great time :)

neener said...

I am so happy you are going away. It will rejuvinate your spirits and bring you closer together. We need to be strong women in the gospel and fight this attack on the families. We have a very stong eternal goal and it will keep us strong. We went to Florida on Tanner's one year mark and it was the bestest thing. We are making plans to go again this year. Enjoy your time. Much love from Denine

taguefamily said...

Andrea ,I don't know you at all but I feel like I do from your blog. I learn so much from your words. You touch my heart so much with your truths. you just go and have an amazing time! It will bring your son Wyatt joy to see the two of you having that time with each other, Wyatt would want it for you both.! Good for you both for taking this time for each other. I wish you both the most wonderful time! I also feel so lucky to have the gospel and a temple marriage. Our oldest son was born with a lot of problems. We did not think that he would make it to be three years old. However he is 11 we beat a lot of the odds with him now but at that early time in my sons life knowing those promises Our Heavenly Father gives us in the temple we make has been my greatest comfort had I lost him when he was a baby. It is a blessing I wish everyone understood and could have. I really feel that your blog is planting those seeds in people heart to learn more about the gospel. Your amazing! best wishes and praying for you. Gidget

Larsen said...

I understand. Jaron and I have a trip planned this Saturday for a cruise and when i tell people THEY get really excited, but it's hard for me. The only reason we are going is because we don't have Gavin, it's kind of an awful reminder. But i'm trying