Tuesday, August 26, 2008

"Wyatt's Room--Part 2"

A couple of months ago I did a post about Wyatt's room. I commented about how I was wanting a chair in his room to make it kind of a reading room. Well, thanks to the Hansen's we have the most perfect chair. Derek's been remodeling their condo and when I saw this chair I told Derek that is exactly what I wanted for Wyatt's room. It was just like the one in Pottery Barn that I had been trying to save money for. The Hansen's decided to get a different chair so Derek asked if he could buy it for me. Instead they decided to give it to us. I have such gratitude in my heart for their generosity towards us. It's exactly what I've wanted for such a long time.

Of course his room is not how I want it. I want his crib and changing table still in there but since that is not how it's going to be this is the second best. I got a couple of blankets of Wyatt's out of his chest to put on the chair which helps me feel closer to him. Another great plus is it has a hide away bed in it. At first we were going to make Wyatt's room into Hayley's and Emily's room but their beds didn't fit. I'm so glad now that we didn't. If they need to sleep upstairs we now have a bed for them.

I was the only one spending much time in Wyatt's room before the chair. I would sit on the floor and read or cry or just think about my Wyatt. Now I have a comfortable spot to do those things and now the kids are in there with me.We now read our nightly story in his room and it just feels good spending so much time in there with his pictures and things so close by. It's the peaceful quiet room I've wanted. One in which I will spend a lot of time reading--gaining the comfort I seek from wonderful words of wisdom.

Yesterday I put together a poster in memory of Wyatt. It was hard. A lot harder than I thought. The group I joined--Intermoutain Healing Hearts is having a fun/run on September 6th to raise money and awareness about CHD. They are going to honor those that have died with a poster. If anyone that lives in Utah County and would be interested in participating in the run or contributing click here for more information. It's was weird as I was putting these pictures of Wyatt on the poster the thought kept coming to me--Is he really gone? Then reality hits--yes he is. I had bought 4 big scrapbooks for Wyatt right before he passed away. The reality hits me each time I see them that I won't be filling them up with pictures of him playing baseball or basketball or with holiday's and family gatherings. It is just so hard.
I decided when I started this blog that I wasn't going to sugar coat things. It's a struggle everyday not having Wyatt with me. That's the reality. I'm not going to say I've moved on and everything is great because it isn't. I'm having moments here and there where I feel like I might make it through this and I'm grateful for that. I can see some improvement but it's still hard. "The only way out is through." With that said I also have to point out the fact that I cleave to the hope Jesus Christ gives me. Though I mourn I don't mourn without hope. I will have my Wyatt again and each day is that much closer to that glorious, wonderful most awesome day.


carolyn q said...

Oh, the poster is wonderful. You did such an amazing job on it.
Wyatt's room looks very inviting and relaxing. Also when I am the saddest I usually always wrap myself up in the first blanket we received at PCMC when Hope was born. . . .it helps me feel close to her as if it takes the place of her arms being wrapped around me.
Heart Hugs,

Krainich Family said...

I would LOVE to run this with you! What does CHD stand for? I have set a goal to always run the half/full SL city marathon. It always falls on the weekend of James' accident and is such an empowering thing for me to do. . .to endure to the end and to put one foot in front of another. What a great idea. We could even make t-shirts up with Wyatt's picture on it and do it in honor of him. There is a great blog I found for bereaved mothers. It offers a lot of comfort and encouragement. I just found it today and it is by invitation only. The link is on my site and I will figure out who runs it so they can email you directly to invite you. I need your email. Lots of love

Jill said...

I would love to do the fun run! Love the poster! Precious pictures of such a precious boy. Love you Andrea! We can plan another girls night with you and your girls! It was fun and I bet Em and Hay would like it! I'm so glad you have the chair in Wyatt's room. What a neat place for you to be still and feel your baby's love.

Kunz Family said...

The poster is beautiful. Yes, sometimes I wonder if Daxton is really gone and when I dont' wake up to him in the mornings or he is not around to crawl all over me or I go to the cemetery. Yes, it is then I realize he is gone. The only comfort to me is that one day, if I remain faithful, I will be able to raise him all by himself. He gets to have me and he doesn't even have to share (not that he did when he was here), but you know what I mean. Loves and cyberhugs!!!!!

Andrea said...

Hi. I ran across your blog through friend of a friend of a friend, etc. My name is Andrea too. I am crying reading your blog. I had a beautiful daughter, Addison, who was born Nov. 2, 2006. She was very premature but was extremely developed and healthy nonetheless. When she was a week old, she had to be life flighted to Primary Childrens, because of a virus she had caught that had enlarged her liver. It had caused internal bleeding, especially on her brain, and had caused much brain damage. She too was on life support for 3 days, before we said goodbye to her. I guess I just felt such a connection reading a bit about your sweet Wyatt, that I wanted to say hello! It's always a comfort to know that other people out there experience the same feelings that I do. You are still in your 1st year without him. My experience, the first year was definitely the hardest. But I noticed you have all of the quotes on the side of your blog. Those were all of the quotes that got me through the hard days. Knowing that she was still mine. And I get to raise her WITHOUT a chance of failure. What a blessing to know our sweet angels have a guaranteed spot with Heavenly Father. I hope you don't mind my peeking in at your blog!

gcashton said...

I'm so glad you got your special chair. I hope are able to have many quiet moments remembering Wyatt. Your poster is beautiful--I wish I could see it in person.
Thank you for not sugar-coating your grief. It has helped me so much to share this experience with you and know that I'm not alone. Your words are so real and generous. I love how you said you mourn but you don't mourn without hope. That is a big difference--it is the difference of understanding the Atonement. But the pain and heartache each day is so real--I am hurting with you.

Natalie said...

I'm so happy that you got that chair and that you and your kids can enjoy wyatt's room together. Your words always touch me and I am so happy you have been real through all of this. I can feel the spirit every time I read your blog so I know you are mourning with hope, which is so amazing to me! I loved seeing that poster too. So sweet! He really is a beautiful baby!

neener said...

I am so glad you have that beautiful chair and the room to feel his spirit in. I like it when you share with us your feelings, just last night at dinner it was an overwhelming feeling like my son really wasn't gone and as I looked around the room it was true, the reality was setting in. Then just at that moment little rainbows appeared everywhere around the kitchen from from the crystal hanging in my kitchen window. We all were quiet and his spirit was so strong it was like you could touch him. Take care Andrea,
Sending you lots of love,

Gedge family said...

What an amazing chair! What an amazing room to be able to sit in there and feel him close to you. It is a great idea to have family time in there and read. It makes you feel good, still including Wyatt in everyday things. The poster is adorable. What a neat idea to honor him by. Can you keep the poster afterwards? You should get it framed and hang it in that special room.