I have never been a great reader or loved it like some do. But since Wyatt died it's been one of my greatest comforts. The words I've read and found have helped me through some of my darkest moments. I could list book after book and talk after talk that has helped me. How grateful I am for them. This morning I pulled out one of my favorites by Neal A. Maxwell called "All these things shall give thee experience"--thank you Doug and Jill for giving this book to us while at the hospital with Wyatt. There are a couple of chapters I've read and reread over and over again. I gain something more from it each time I read. There is such comfort in his words. Anyway, I wanted to quote a few things that stood out to me today. The first is a quote from C.S. Lewis referring to "all these things shall give thee experience" he said:
"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that
house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He's
getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew
that those jobs needed doing so you are not surprised. But presently, He
starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem
to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He
is building quite a different house from the one you thought of.--throwing out a
wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making
courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little
cottage: but He is building a palace."
I'm feeling like a new wing is being formed on my house. It truly hurts and really doesn't make sense to me but I know Heavenly Father has a greater plan and he's making me into a palace instead of the cottage I thought I would be.
The second quote that stuck out at me this morning is one by President Spencer W. Kimball he is talking about tragedies. He said:
"Could the Lord have prevented these tragedies? The answer is, Yes. The
Lord is omnipotent, with all power to control our lives, save us pain, prevent
all accidents, drive all planes and cars, feed us, protect us, save us from
labor, effort, sickness, even from death, if he will. But he will
not. We should be able to understand this, because we can realize how
unwise it would be for us to shield our children from all effort, from
disappointments, temptations, sorrows, and suffering....If we looked at
mortality as the whole of existence, then pain, sorrow, failure, and short life
would be calamity. But if we look upon life as an eternal things
stretching far into the pre-earth past and on into the eternal post-death
future then all happenings may be put into proper perspective."
There are some days that I wonder if I'm going to make it through this long and difficult life. It's just hard. I miss my Wyatt. There is a void in my life and a gaping hole in my heart that will never be filled until my Wyatt is in my arms again. That's when I have to look at the eternal perspective-- the post-death future. This life is just a small moment compared to the eternal aspect of things. I gain such comfort in this. I will have a wonderful "post-death" future with my Wyatt... FOREVER.