Wednesday, July 30, 2008

"Life"

I wanted to thank so many of you that have been there for me the past 4 1/2 months. Thanks for listening to me and crying with me and comforting me. If it's been via e-mail, in person, on the phone, a card or just taking the time to read this blog-- thank you. So, please know the gratitude I feel to so many of you.

We just got home from over a week of many fun activities. The past two days we were at Cherry Hill water park. While at Cherry Hill I got the chance to spend a little time in the lazy river with my niece Amanda. Thank you Mands for talking and listening and being so great to me. We got talking about life and how things don't always work out how we think they should. My life is completely different than I had planned. Heavenly father has had a different plan for me.

Growing up all I ever wanted when I got old was to get married and have kids. I had no desire to get a career and go to college. I hoped I would just get married after high school to my prince charming and we would have many beautiful and wonderful children. Well ,that didn't really happened for me(at least the getting married right after high school part). After high school I went to college just to get the general classes done hoping I wouldn't have to choose a major. I dated and dated and hoped and hoped but prince charming didn't come. I had to a choose a major and went through the Radiology program for 2 years and then worked for a Dr. for another year or two. I was now considered and old maid in Utah County because I was 24 years old. It was a difficult time for me because the only thing I ever wanted was to be married and have kids. Finally, prince charming came into my life even though I had known him most of my life. (He was one of my brothers best friends.) Why did we have to wait so long to get married when we could have gotten together so much earlier? I don't know the reason for that but I do know I have greater compassion for those that are single, I learned many things during that time, my testimony grew and I truly cherish my husband more. I learned that Heavenly Fathers timetable is so much different than mine.

The second part of my dream growing up was to be a mom. That has not been an easy thing for me. I've now spent over 2 years of throwing up to get these children here. I've had two miscarriages which were very difficult and hard to accept and now losing my sweet Wyatt is beyond anything I thought would happen to me. This life is just so much harder than I ever pictured or dreamed of. That is when I have to put my trust in my Heavenly Fathers hands and know that he has a greater plan for my life than what I think it should be. He knows those things that will help me grow and learn. And even though some of these things are beyond what I think I could even handle he sends people into my life to help me make it through. How grateful I am to so many of you. How grateful I am for the Internet and the people I have met through it. I don't know what I would have done without having the support from some that truly know what it's like to lose a child.


A year ago I never thought I would be where I'm at right now. It was not a part of my plan and my dream for my Wyatt. Each day is a struggle to not have him with me. He is on my mind 24/7 just like he was with me 24/7 as I took care of him. It's hard to do those everyday things without having him there to experience them with me.

2 Nephi 2:24 states: "all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things." Heavenly Father is the one that knows all things. Present, future and past. He has greater understanding and can see things better than we can. As a loving Heavenly Father he will help us through the trials and difficulties of life. His plan will be the best plan because he has so much more knowledge than we have. And in the end it will all be worth it. We will be able to live forever without sickness, disease, pain, sorrow and grief. And for me I will have my Wyatt, my husband, my kids and all of the loved ones in my life. That is what ultimately matters in life.

Here are a few pictures of some of those loved ones at Cherry Hill.
















8 comments:

Mindy said...

I am so happy for you guys that you have had such a fun summer with family, and each other. You are so strong. I wish so bad that I could take any heart ache away. It just doesn't seem fair. I don't know how people live without the knowledge of the gospel. I am sure that you have touched so many people's lives through all that you have written. It is so hard to even think about the future, and why would you ever think that you would feel this sorrow now. You are so full of hope, and everytime I read your blog, it is so special, and I feel such a strong spirit. Probably because you are the most angelic person I have ever known! Seriously Andrea, no one compares to you. You are so incedible. Gosh, I just love you, and I wish I could just reach through the phone, or computer and hug you all day!

Amanda said...

This weekend was so so fun! I love Cherry hill so much!!! I am so glad I got to talk to you! It was so great!!! thanks so much! I am excited to see you guys next weekend too!!

gcashton said...

Andrea,
I loved this post. Thank you for sharing some more of your life and experiences--I have loved getting to know you and your sweet family. I know how hard it is to see the plans you had for yourself slipping away--and having no control over it. Life can be all too Real. As someone who has had the privelege of going through these emotions with you, I can honestly say that you are one of the sweetest and most genuine people that I know. You have been so good to me these past couple months--a true friend.
I'm glad you've had some fun moments with your family. What a wonderful mother you are!

tori said...

Andrea,
Thanks for sharing your heart in these things. And thank you for sharing about the bronze hands/feet. I'd like to look into that, too...see if there is a place that does that here in Alaska. I'd love to have that little hand visible all the time- without the fear of breaking it. Isn't it strange how when we are young we seem to think that our dreams will all be realized in exactly the way we expected. "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Jill said...

Andrea, it was so much fun with you guys this week! I hope you realize how often I (and all of us) think of Wyatt. More than you think I'm sure. I love seeing you grow during this. You have grown and changed SO MUCH even just these few months. I love you lots! See you next weekend!

Elyse said...

Hey! How I wish I could have been there with you and everybody this last week! What a great family we have! Thanks for documenting all the fun!

neener said...

It is wonderful to see your beautiful photos today. Keep making memories.

Natalie said...

It was so fun me to hang out with you and your family. I want you to know how much I appreciate you and your family. Thanks for everything! It is funny how things don't work out as planned in life. I must say you are one of the most understanding and compassionate people I know. I know that is because of your life experiences. I love you!