Monday, June 30, 2008

"A tender mercy"

Ok it's 12:30am and something wonderful just happened for me. Today at church was hard! Actually this entire day has been one of the hardest and most awful days I've had for some time. I'm not going to go into details about it but lets just say I've been really low. I had just said my prayers and asked to just let me feel Wyatt in some way. I was going to bed but thought I would do a couple more things on the computer before hitting the sack. I got an e-mail from my friend Robyn which is always such a wonderful thing. In this e-mail she asked me what I thought about the comment from Suzanne on our blog. I didn't know what she was talking about. I hadn't noticed any comments from a Suzanne so I started searching for it. I found it in the post about butterflies. It was exactly what I needed. It was if Wyatt and Heavenly Father were talking to me letting me know that yes they are aware of me. Thank you Suzanne whoever you are. Thank you for being that instrument in our Heavenly Fathers hands and giving me what I needed. I have added her comment.

Suzanne said...
Dear Larsen Family: First off, I'm not crazy, even though you don't know me. I'm totally sane, and a temple recommend holder. I was searching for the "every chair filled" Benson quote through google for a lesson for my Young Women tonight. I found the quote on your blog. Thank you. But thank you again for the following...I saw a butterfly today. Allow me to explain.I was reading 3rd Nephi chapter 27, V:2. Jesus asks his disciples "what will ye that I shall give unto you". The words came at me with 100 times the force than I read before. I pictured myself there, and thought "if I could have ANYTHING from the savior, knowing that he would give it, what would it be?"At that very moment I said a very very sincere prayer, that I would feel my brother's presence in my life more fully. My brother passed away almost 9 years ago, the first day I was in the MTC. I left it at that. Then, for 3 days after that prayer, I felt this overwhelming feeling in my heart-- the purest joy I'd felt for years. I couldn't put a finger on it. I felt pure love. I felt it in the stillest moments and in my daily life too. I kept trying to think about what I was so happy about, as if it was some upcoming event that was going to be great(vacation? visitor? a raise?) Not earth shattering, but just pure and personal.Then when I was walking with my husband and two boys the other night I thought about it again. I was still trying to source it, just because I wanted the feeling to stay forever.Then, when I was on the tennis court, in the middle of an instruction-- with my racket flying every which way, I noticed a small piece of paper flying around on the court.I looked closer to see it was a pure white butterfly. The words came clear in my mind "Barry's close by!" Then I came home and couldn't find my Benson quote, and was lead to your blog. I thought about how wonderful that Barry was there, even when I wasn't looking. When I came home from my mission, I got released and got the following blessing:"those thoughts and ideas came from your brother. He prays for you." How interesting that an angel would pray for me? And how interesting that those little glimpses of inspiration come from those who know us best. Moroni taught that angels speak by the power of the holy ghost. Would not Wyatt be the one who would bring a message to you more clear than any other angel right now? I am sure all those great thoughts and resolutions you have came through your little baby. In one blog you mentioned how you carried him for 9 months and how hard it was being sick. Perhaps this was one of those great times where he got to know you best. He was getting to know you and learning how to connect to you in a way no one else can. How amazing is that? So... now that I've spilled all my guts with someone I don't even know, I want to thank you again for the quote, and exchange it for one of mine. From Dallin H. Oaks:"In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike, and they will, you must never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see chariots of fire as far as the eye could see riding at wreckless speed to come to our protection (see 2nd Kings 6:16-17). They will always be there, these armies of heaven, in defense of Abraham's seed."Wyatt is your "wreckless speed" angel. Butterflies are the smallest of ways he lets you know he's there. Bigger are the thoughts and inspirations he puts in your heart. You will feel it for the rest of your life, until that wonderful day.

8 comments:

Jill said...

WOW!! That's incredible Andrea!

Amanda Stevens said...

Andrea,
You are certainly remembered of the Lord. I am glad that friends, family, and even strangers continue to reach out to you. Many have been prompted and followed those whisperings. Your words and thoughts are an inspiration to many. I have been thinking about you and your beautiful family.

Suzanne said...

Hi Andrea,
I'm glad you have been feeling Wyatt more. I beleive it was Joseph F. Smith that said that the loved ones who lived close to us and have passed on now have callings as our personal ministering angels.

My sister-n-law (www.uthagearys.blogspot.com)lost her 2 week old for the same reason of Wyatt's passing. I have never had the guts to talk to her about it. Guess it's easier to talk to a complete stranger about the things you know to be true...?

Nice to see so many friends and family are reaching out and praying for you. BTW, I live in China. So when it's midnight there where you and your friends are, it's daytime here, and I'll be praying for you. So there, prayers around the clock-- can ya beat that, gal?

Robyn said...

Andrea-
I planted flowers this morning and I was wishing I had your green thumb! There were butterflies all over in my yard and I thought of you and cried the entire time I was planting. Thank you for allowing me into your heart. I love you!

Felipe & Erika said...

Andrea I think of you always and pray for you EVERY day.

neener said...

I loved your blog today, I needed all your words. I loved what Suzzane wrote aswell. Would you believe after reading your blog and shedding a number of tears..... I went to the beach with my family and we were surrounded all afternoon by monarch butterflies. My children and I all had a moment and smiled as we thought of our Tanner, you know I must thank you. You are in my thoughts all the time. Take care.

Cardalls said...

What beautiful words. i think those can help anyone with any trial, loss of a loved one, health problems, children who stray, infertility etc. Thank you for the uplift. I also am a stranger to you (card carrying LDS member) but found your blog somehow and I love reading it. You really uplift and inspire me. I love my kids a little more and yell a little less. Thanks!

Natalie said...

Heavenly Father loves you so much and so does Wyatt! Don't forget I love you too!