Tuesday, May 20, 2008

"Why?"

Sunday Hay got the stomach flu. I then got it yesterday and today. It has brought back all the memories of a year ago when I was pregnant with Wyatt and so, so sick day in and day out throwing up and nauseated month after month. I have asked the question "Why?" a lot lately. Why did I have to go through so much to get him here and then to have him taken? Why us?, Why Wyatt?, Why me?, Why my kids?..... I think this is part of the grieving process and the hard thing about it is that I'm not going to know why until the next life. I just have to trust in my Heavenly Father and know that he knows best for me and my family. I know one answer to the why is "all these things shall give thee experience." I am a different person now and I will be forever different. I know the sorrow, the pain that comes from losing one of "my every things". I have more compassion for people now. I have such a greater love for my Savior now. There are so many things that are different now. I have often asked the question Why Wyatt? Why did he have to go.
I've been comforted by this quote from Joseph Smith he said:

"I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why is it that
infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem
to be the most intelligent and interesting. the strongest reasons that present
themselves to my mind are these.....The Lord takes many away, even in infancy
that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present
world; they were too pure, too lovely to live on earth; therefore, if rightly
considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered
from evil, and we shall soon have them again....The only difference between the
old and the young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and
glory then the other, and is freed a little sooner form this miserable, wicked
world. Not withstanding all this glory we for a moment lose sight of it, and
mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope."

I love this quote! Wyatt is a very special little guy and I feel privileged to be his mom. I can't wait to find out the "Whys?" but until then how grateful I am for the knowledge and peace the gospel gives me and my family. I have attached some of the sweet pictures that were taken at Wyatt's funeral. I love my children and are amazed at the faith they have. I know our family has been blessed and strengthened because of the prayers that have been offered in our behalf. Thank you to so many of you for strenghtening us through your prayers.

At times I didn't think Hayley knew what was happening and still I don't think she fully understands but this sweet picture shows that she will miss her little brother that she shared so much with.



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6 comments:

jvance said...

Wow do those pictures take me back to that day! So much comfort, yet so much pain is associated with the events of Wyatt's passing. I'm sure the "Why" will continue and can never fully be answered, but hopefully a little slice of comfort and some sense of peace will eventually come. Remember we love you and will do anything to help ease your burden. You are doing awesome with this trial - thanks for letting us be a part of what you are experiencing.

I hope it is making me a little more compassionate! With love - Janese

Amanda said...

I completely agree with you about hayley. Watching her reactions to different things at the funeral made me wonder if she really understood things better then we do. In some ways maybe she does. She is such a fun girl to be around. Seeing those pictures made me think of the feelings I had that day. Watching Ty was the hardest for me... He is a strong kid tho. It is amazing to me to watch him because even though he is still young you can see the strong testimony he has... you can't say that about all 11 year olds:) I love your kids!

gl said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I had never heard that quote from Joseph Smith before. Indeed, the "Whys" are some of the hardest challenges we face in this life. Our thoughts and prayers are still with your family.

-George Loch

Natalie said...

I think I am still in denial that he is not with your family. I think it is going to hit me hard when I get back and have to see him gone. Hayley is so sweet and I'm sure she understands more then a lot of people would give her credit for. If we could all be as little children, I know this world would be a much better place! They are much more compassionate then most adults.

Jill said...

Your sweet sweet kids. Sometimes I wish I had little Hayley's perspective. A simple "Bye Wyatt!" and "Wyatt's coming back to life." She is a sweetheart. It was an amazing thing to be around your kids while everything was happening. They would simply say that they were sad, that they would miss Wyatt but that was it. Child-like faith. I wish I had that.

It was great talking to you yesterday! I hope it happens more often! We're all learning from you... and your kids.

Vance in the Knight! said...

wow thos pictures bring me back to that day. especially that picture of ty. thats what i will remember the most about that day. watching ty say goodbye to the brother that he had prayed so long and hard to get. He's an amazing kid. the reunion between ty and wyatt will be one of the most amazing things i'm sure!!! hope i'm there to see it!