Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Butterflies

It's been 2 months today that Wyatt passed away. The last day at the hospital they moved him into a private room for us. On the door was a butterfly. At the time I thought it was strange that there would be a butterfly on his door--he is a boy I thought. I also noticed that everyone in the PICU knew what was happening to us. I could see it in their eyes. Come to find out that is how they let everyone know that someone is on their way out of this world.

A few weeks ago Hayley and I were swimming when a very beautiful butterfly came to us. It was a butterfly that I had never seen before. It was big, black and quite amazing. It definitely got our attention. It then flew into "our space". I thought it was going to attack us. After it flew away the thought came to me that it was Wyatt letting us know he is near. Since then I have noticed so many butterflies. Almost everyday there as been a butterfly fly by our car as we are driving, in our back yard or on our morning walks. I now call them my " Wyatt moments." So, the next time you see a butterfly take a second and have a "Wyatt moment" to remember our sweet little boy.




10 comments:

Elyse said...

Andrea,
I am so glad you started a blog! I really was touched by your story about the butterfly. I think about you and your family every day. Kayla always asks when we're going to go see Hayley. We love you guys lots! We'll be checking your blog often. Thanks for sharing your feelings.

Witty said...

I'll never be able to look at a butterfly the same. How neat! Those tender mercies will continue. I know that. Wyatt was sad to leave and he wants to be with you even still. How neat to be still and feel his presence. I hope Ty can feel that too.

Natalie said...

Thank you Andrea! I'm sure you don't know how you touch the lives of people around you, who are watching you go through this trying time in your life. I will always stop to have a Wyatt moment when I see a butterfly. I'm sure throughout the rest of your life Wyatt will continue to show you little glimpses of eternity by his memory. Isn't it amazing how much our Father in Heaven loves us? I know he loves you so much as do all of us. I'm so grateful to have you and Wyatt as examples to me. Thank you for starting this blog and being so open with your feelings! I love you and your family very much!

Krainich Family said...

My heart aches for you that you have joined this club. This is Tani's friend who lost my 2 year old. My heart just hurts that anyone has to feel this pain. Much love and lots of prayers.

Robyn said...

Andrea,
I absolutely love your blog!! I cried and cried. I have always loved butterflies, now they have even more meaning to me. Thank you for sharing your strength and testimony with me. You are an amazing person. I am sending my love and prayers through the computer. I think of you every day and wish you were just around the corner, like it used to be, so that I could stop by and say "hello" or clean a bathroom for you. I love and miss you.

Jill said...

Remember...people who don't even know you are having "Wyatt moments." That girl at work was able to think of heaven for just a little bit because you are brave enough to tell us how you feel! Thank you Andrea!

Suzanne said...

Dear Larsen Family:
First off, I'm not crazy, even though you don't know me. I'm totally sane, and a temple reccomend holder :).

I was searching for the "every chair filled" Benson quote through google for a lesson for my Young Women tonight. I found the quote on your blog. Thank you. But thank you again for the following...

I saw a butterfly today. Allow me to explain.

I was reading 3rd Nephi chapter 27, V:2. Jesus asks his diciples "what will ye that I shall give unto you". The words came at me with 100 times the force than I read before. I pictured myself there, and thought "if I could have ANYTHING from the savior, knowing that he would give it, what would it be?"

At that very moment I said a very very sincere prayer, that I would feel my brother's presence in my life more fully. My brother passed away almost 9 years ago, the first day I was in the MTC.

I left it at that. Then, for 3 days after that prayer, I felt this overwhelming feeling in my heart-- the purest joy I'd felt for years. I couldn't put a finger on it. I felt pure love. I felt it in the stillest moments and in my daily life too. I kept trying to think about what I was so happy about, as if it was some upcoming event that was going to be great(vacation? visitor? a raise?)? Not earth shattering, but just pure and personal.

Then when I was walking with my husband and two boys the other night I thought about it again. I was still trying to source it, just because I wanted the feeling to stay forever.

Then, when I was on the tennis court, in the middle of an instruction-- with my racket flying every which way, I noticed a small piece of paper flying around on the court.

I looked closer to see it was a pure white butterfly. The words came clear in my mind "Barry's close by!"

Then I came home and couldn't find my Benson quote, and was lead to your blog.

I thought about how wonderful that Barry was there, even when I wasn't looking. When I came home from my mission, I got released and got the following blessing:
"those thoughts and ideas came from your brother. He prays for you."

How interesting that an angel would pray for me? And how interesting that those little glimpses of inspiration come from those who know us best. Moroni taught that angels speak by the power of the holy ghost. Would not Wyatt be the one who would bring a message to you more clear than any other angel right now? I am sure all those great thoughts and resolutions you have came through your little baby.

In one blog you mentioned how you carried him for 9 months and how hard it was being sick. Perhaps this was one of those great times where he got to know you best. He was getting to know you and learning how to connect to you in a way no one else can.

How amazing is that?

So... now that I've spilled all my guts with someone I don't even know, I want to thank you again for the quote, and exchange it for one of mine. From Dallin H. Oaks:
"In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike, and they will, you must never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see chariots of fire as far as the eye could see riding at wreckless speed to come to our protection (see 2nd Kings 6:16-17). They will always be there, these armies of heaven, in defense of Abraham's seed."

Wyatt is your "wreckless speed" angel. Butterflies are the smallest of ways he lets you know he's there. Bigger are the thoughts and inspirations he puts in your heart. You will feel it for the rest of your life, until that wonderful day.

**Amy** said...

Thanks for your comment today. It made me want to come back and reread this post. Hopefully you can find a way to incorporate the butterfly collage for your daughter AND especially for your sweet "angel butterfly" Wyatt and his flutterby's. {{hugs}}

Anonymous said...

I was lead to your blog when I was reading posts on the "Good Grief" cite. I am deeply sorry for your loss. Today I was reminded of you, your family and your sweet little boy at the Springville Museum of Art. They have a gallery full of quilts right now and one had TONS of butterflies on it. I immediately thought of you. The title of the piece was "Butterflies are free."

Anthonystjoseph said...
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