Saturday, May 31, 2008
Posted by Andrea at 6:07 PM
Friday, May 30, 2008
I have done a lot of reading lately and it has brought me great comfort. There was a question posed in one of the books that I've read. It said: "Is it possible that if one really accepts the gospel and its teachings, one would have no desire to cry? I have wondered because I am crying and continuing to mourn Wyatt's passing that I might be lacking in faith. Why do I continue to cry and mourn? In D&C it reads "Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for them that die."
Brigham Young said: "We should strive to seek knowledge and understanding
through the spirit of the Lord, that our grief and weeping not be uncontrolled.
But we must not lose sight of the fact that we live in this mortal vale of tears
and sorrow. Such tears need not represent a rebellion against the will of the
Lord but only sorrow at being parted from a dear one.
After reading these quotes it has helped me realize that it is normal for me to feel what I'm feeling. My tears are not of doubt , lack of faith or hopelessness but of emptiness from being separated from one of "my every things". Another quote I like from the Liahona states:
Gordon T. Allred also stated: "Mormons with all their radiant optimism, do not
regard death lightly. Like birth, it is a sacred thing, a matter of profound
significance marking the commencement of a new epoch in human advancement. The
tears shed are real enough, and why pretend that the passing of a loved one or
friend is not the most poignant, the most painful matter of all earthly
experience?.....No, for the most part, the tears that fall do not result from
doubt, hopelessness, or the common supposition of the world that dying is the
ultimate tragedy, the irretrievable loss. Rather, they evidence the natural
feelings of emptiness that accompanies any lengthy separation between people who
have dwelt together in intimate faith and love."
This has been so true for me. Tears have been therapeutic for me. This life seems really long for me right now, probably because it seems like forever until I will get to hold my sweet baby again and kiss his little cheeks. I don't know how long tears will continue to fall for me but I feel it's part of the healing process and because I have suffered such a great loss I will continue to shed tears for my sweet little Wyatt. I will continue to keep his memory alive for me and for my kids and husband. I feel a great need for that. Maybe, I'm scared that life will go on and he will be forgotten. That is why I continue to put pictures of Wyatt on this blog. I am trying to do my best each day to just breath, live and enjoy this life without my baby. Yesterday while looking through my closet I found this little sweater that Wyatt wore for Christmas. I had to take a moment and cry like I have with all of his things. Oh, how I miss his sweet little face. I know that tears will decrease as time goes on but I hope the memory of him will last with me and my family throughout life. I can almost taste the sweet reunion we will have with Wyatt. What a great day to look forward to!!
"It is right to let our tears flow over the dead. Not to shed them would be
inhuman; and they relieve the pressure on heart and brain."
Posted by Andrea at 6:54 PM
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Posted by Andrea at 4:18 PM
Friday, May 23, 2008
Posted by Andrea at 10:05 PM
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Posted by Andrea at 9:17 AM
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Posted by Andrea at 9:30 PM
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
I've been comforted by this quote from Joseph Smith he said:
I love this quote! Wyatt is a very special little guy and I feel privileged to be his mom. I can't wait to find out the "Whys?" but until then how grateful I am for the knowledge and peace the gospel gives me and my family. I have attached some of the sweet pictures that were taken at Wyatt's funeral. I love my children and are amazed at the faith they have. I know our family has been blessed and strengthened because of the prayers that have been offered in our behalf. Thank you to so many of you for strenghtening us through your prayers.
"I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why is it that
infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem
to be the most intelligent and interesting. the strongest reasons that present
themselves to my mind are these.....The Lord takes many away, even in infancy
that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present
world; they were too pure, too lovely to live on earth; therefore, if rightly
considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered
from evil, and we shall soon have them again....The only difference between the
old and the young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and
glory then the other, and is freed a little sooner form this miserable, wicked
world. Not withstanding all this glory we for a moment lose sight of it, and
mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope."
At times I didn't think Hayley knew what was happening and still I don't think she fully understands but this sweet picture shows that she will miss her little brother that she shared so much with.
Posted by Andrea at 12:11 PM
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Posted by Andrea at 11:52 AM
Posted by Andrea at 11:09 AM
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Everyday since Wyatt's passing I've struggled with everyday life. I miss getting him dressed. He never had an opinion on what he wanted to wear so I got to choose. I miss changing his diapers and feeding him. I miss holding him and trying to make him smile. I miss giving him his baths. I could go on and on with the little things I miss each day. I was telling Derek all this yesterday and crying of course--and Derek commented about how much he missed his smile. Wyatt was always willing to give us a big cheesy grin. I miss seeing the little dimple on his chin when he smiled really big. I've attached a couple of his smiling pictures. As I've missed these things about Wyatt I've really tried to enjoy the moments with my other kids each day. Things that seemed to matter before don't matter that much anymore. I hug my kids so much more now.
This was quoted at Wyatt's funeral. I continue to gain such hope and joy whenever I hear it. It puts things into perspective for me. Everyday life is hard right now. I don't know how long it's going to be hard but when I get to hear wonderful doctrine like this it helps me make it through one more day without my baby. It gives me great hope for the resurrection when I will hold him and see him smile again.
"Joseph Smith taught the doctrine that the infant child that was laid away in
death would come up in the resurrection as a child; and pointing to the mother
of a lifeless child, he said to her: ' You will have the joy,
the pleasure, and satisfaction of nurturing
this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its
spirit.' There is restitution, there is growth, there is development, after the
resurrection from death. I love this truth. It speaks volume of happiness, of
joy and gratitude to my soul. Thank the Lord he has revealed these principles to
Posted by Andrea at 1:49 PM
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Each morning Hay and I try to go walking and I will listen to my i-pod shuffle. Yesterday, I put my i-pod on random and just hoped something would come up that would comfort me. Well, Josh Groben's song "To where you are" came on. It was another of those sweet tender mercies I receive each day. I walked and cried and listened. I've added that song to our blog.
Posted by Andrea at 1:30 PM
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
A few weeks ago Hayley and I were swimming when a very beautiful butterfly came to us. It was a butterfly that I had never seen before. It was big, black and quite amazing. It definitely got our attention. It then flew into "our space". I thought it was going to attack us. After it flew away the thought came to me that it was Wyatt letting us know he is near. Since then I have noticed so many butterflies. Almost everyday there as been a butterfly fly by our car as we are driving, in our back yard or on our morning walks. I now call them my " Wyatt moments." So, the next time you see a butterfly take a second and have a "Wyatt moment" to remember our sweet little boy.
Posted by Andrea at 1:15 PM
Monday, May 12, 2008
President Ezra Taft Benson said "God intended the family to be eternal. With all my soul, I testify to the truth of that declaration. May he bless us to strengthen our homes and the lives of each family member so that in due time we can report to our Heavenly Father in His celestial home that we are all there--father, mother, sister, brother, all who hold each other dear. Each chair
is filled. We are all back home."
Posted by Andrea at 5:22 PM